Now and Then
by InfiniteBeauty93
Summary: Grown up through birth together Bellamy and Clarke have been through the best and worst of times. But when Bellamy gets engaged and Clarke confesses her love to him he rejects her leaving her heartbroken. Now spending a week at her family's vacation house with Bellamy's in preperation to his wedding the past and present collide. ***Chapters 1-12 Edited****
1. Now: Arrival

Now: Arrival Chapter Text

Now: June 20th 2015  
2:23 pm

"Oh you've got to be friggen kidding me" Clarke snapped as she slowed her car down behind the building traffic of the highway. She wasn't even in a real rush to get to her destination but the fact that she could add another item to her ever growing list of things going wrong that day was like adding fuel to the already burning fire.

The silver piece of junk she was driving came to a stop and she threw her head into her hands in annoyance, elbows smashing into the horn. Jumping back in a slight panic at the sound she looked around at the surrounding cars waiting for someone to blast her out.

Seconds later a middle aged man stuck his head out of his SUV screaming, "Shut up asshole we're all stuck."

Taking a deep breath she rolled up the window not wanting to listen to the fights brewing between the other drivers on the road. She watched the GPS as the _estimated arrival time_ began to tick up by the minutes the longer her car stayed at a stand still. Her mother wouldn't be happy by her late arrival. She couldn't completely blame her, part of it was her fault for stopping for coffee and then managing to spill it all over herself by not looking where she was going, forcing her to go home and change.

Still, her mother didn't need to know about her clumsy side delays, she was sticking with the traffic story. It wasn't a lie.

Her car moved up about five more feet before she realized she wasn't going anywhere any time soon. She turned down the Adele song on the radio before scrolling down her slightly cracked Iphone and clicking the call button on a familiar number. It rang twice before the sarcastic voice filled the speaker.

 _"_ _ _Don't tell me something's already happened?"__

Clarke rolled her eyes even though she knew her best friend couldn't see her. She wasn't sure any of her friends knew how to answer the phone with a "hello" like a normal human being.

"I'm not even there yet. I'm stuck in traffic with no exit for twenty miles. I swear the universe is against me."

 _"_ _ _The universe is not against you. It's against everyone__ _ _, watch the news.__ _ _"__

"Not everyone," Clarke responded not hiding the edge in her voice. She couldn't help thinking of a certain pretty brunette she was dreading on seeing again.

The one who was marrying her best friend.

 _"_ _ _Maybe you shouldn't go."__ The voice said after a few moments of silence.

"I HAVE to go" Clarke said with a sigh. "He's not only my best friend but our mothers are best friends. We grew up together. If I didn't go it'd be a drama fest."

 _"_ _ _Well he shouldn't expect you to go after__ _ _your family Easter party__ _ _."__

Clarke bit her lip thinking about the incident that had happened only three months before. The day she had took a hammer to any wall she had built up after her last relationship and finally put her heart on the line.

She told him she loved him.

And he rejected her.

 _"_ _ _Clarke?"__

"I shouldn't have told him." Her voice was sad and defeated. She had been wishing she could take those words back since they had slipped out of her mouth and the look on his face became pained. He didn't have to say anything. She knew what the look meant and she turned and ran. "I mean he had just gotten engaged! What did I expect that he'd leave her and be with me?"

 _"_ _ _You took a chance. It's better than pining from afar."__

"I'm still pining from afar Raven. Only now I look stupid as well."

 _"_ _ _You're not helping here Griffin. Damn we should have just got you a date. I__ _ _should ha__ _ _ve been your date! I'm totally fun at weddings.__ _ _"__

Clarke rolled her eyes. "I'm not getting into some fake dating episode that explodes in my face. This isn't a movie." She heard a car horn shoot a long beep along with a man shouting "What the hell is going on?!"

 _''_ _ _You could ask him to be your date."__

"Funny" Clarke replied sarcastically while sticking her head out the window to see if she could catch a glimpse of what was causing the jam."But I think the blonde girl in the Mercedes is more my time".

 _"_ _ _Speaking of blondes Jasper had an accident with another__ _ _experiment__ _ _."__

 _"_ _Oh my god."_

 _"_ _ _I'll send pics."__

 _"_ _You better," Clarke laughed as the traffic finally began moving again. "Okay we have movement on the car front. I'll talk to you later"._

 _"_ _ _Okay and Clarke?"__

"Yeah?"

 _"_ _ _You'll be fine."__

"Thanks Ray" she said ending the call and taking her car out of park to move slowly down the highway along the rest of the flow.

The next half an hour was a lot of stop and go and Clarke really just wanted to take off at the next exit and turn the car around to return to her home in Boston. She had been dreading this ever since they had announced the plans to meet are her parents cape house a week before the wedding for final preparations and a relaxing vacation.

She found no part of this to be relaxing and had even tried to claim that the Museum she worked at wouldn't give her the week off. Unfortunately, her mother had threatened to call them and talk to them herself after having a long rant to Clarke about how she never spent any time with her family anymore. Clarke decided it would be better just to get the time off of work than to have her reputation ruined and face a lifetime of embarrassment that would come from her mother demanding her boss give her time off.

Plus, her not being there wouldn't change the situation. Bellamy would still get married and it still wouldn't be to her.

Her mother and Bellamy's mom, Aurora, had met in college after being assigned as roommates their freshmen year. Instantly they had hit it off and become like sisters. When they had graduated Clarke's mom moved to the suburbs, met her dad and got married while Aurora went to live in the city.

It didn't last long. Within two years Aurora became pregnant by a man she was seeing and he abandoned her. Terrified about being on her own, Abby had told her to come out to the suburbs to stay with them for a while.

So she had. She spent a couple of months with Abby and Jake and eventually was able to find an decent enough job as a waitress and rent a cheap apartment.

A year later Abby had become pregnant herself which only gave the two women more of a reason to spend time together. The excitement of raising their children at the same time and helping each other as new mothers kept them practically inseparable.

Soon after Clarke was born Aurora met another man. They got married and two years later they had a little girl, Octavia. Tragically, he died only a few years later leaving Aurora a widow and once again a single parent.

Once again Aurora was left in a tough situation. She had two children and a job that ran odd hours. As a doctor, Abby was left in a similar situation of working hours and the women became each others lifeline helping to switch off and watch each others children when needed.

Clarke had never realized back then what Bellamy had truly meant to her and once she had it was too late. She had grown up with him and he was more than a best friend to her but she could never put her finger on why.

But it was a one-sided love. And she was on her way to his wedding to a beautiful woman named Echo. She hoped this trip would help her find closure and move on.

Still, it was the most heartbreaking feeling in the world.

She came upon her exit happy to be getting off the highway after spending longer than necessary on the road. Her stomach grumbled and she desperately wanted to stop at a Mcdonald's but she knew her mother would flip out if she found the bag and realized Clarke had eaten before she came home to her perfectly served three course dinner.

Eventually the long driveway to her parents cape house came into view. Most people would call it a mansion because well it was __huge__. That was the whole reason Bellamy and Echo's wedding was going to be there. Bellamy worked as a high school history teacher and while he loved his job it didn't pay much. Not only would having the wedding out the house take out venue expenses but it also allowed for family and guests to stay free of service.

Bellamy had protested at first but her parents had said it would be like their wedding gift to him and Echo had been more than happy to accept.

She pulled up to the house parking her small car in arched driveway and taking in the scene of the giant soft blue home. All her memories at this house had been a happy and part of her felt like her enjoyment of it was about to be tainted. It wasn't her parents fault. They had no idea about Clarke's feelings for Bellamy, but she still knew she'd never look at it the same after seeing Bellamy's wedding there.

The voices filled the home the instant she opened the front door. The entrance was grand. White marbled floors swept across the entryway and up the circular staircase leading to the second floor. There was a sweet aroma in the air from the live plants and small trees that brightened the room for the guests entrance. Finally an elegant chandelier hung from the high ceiling adding to the natural light already flowing into the room.

Laughter came from Clarke's left and she left her suitcase in the entry as she headed towards the living room with a final deep breath.

Before she could even process the scene of the group, Octavia saw her and her face lit up. "Clarke!" She shouted jumping off from her seat on the couch and running towards her. Only two years apart Octavia had been like a sister to Clarke as well as one of her best friends but after Bellamy had rejected her she felt herself unconsciously cut ties with Octavia in some self-instinct to protect her heart.

But seeing the bright, happy eyes staring back at her, Clarke couldn't help but break into a smile. "I missed you O. How have you been?"

Octavia pulled away beaming. "Great! I finally graduated college this May." She fist pumped the air. "But I skipped that whole ceremony thing otherwise you would have gotten an invite. I mean who wants to sit there for four hours listening to boring people talk. Like I sat there for four years already, I'm done."

Clarke laughed and gave her another hug as her mother stood up coming into view.

"There you are I was getting worried. I was just saying I thought you would've been here by now." She explained giving her daughter a hug before looking at her with concern creased in her brow.

"There was traffic." Clarke shrugged then seeing her dad smiled wider moving away from her mother. "Dad!"

He gave her a big hug that put such a large smile on her face her cheeks hurt. He had always give bear hugs. "Hey kiddo."

"You got to stop calling me that I'm like 24." A chuckle escaped her lips as she pulled away.

Still smiling she turned as Aurora came up to give a hug of her own. That's when she noticed that Bellamy and Echo weren't in the room.

"So where's the lovebirds?" She said trying to make a joke out of the awkward situation.Octavia gave her and instantly she realized Bellamy had told her.

The other three adults however didn't waiver in their movement or expressions. "Oh well there was a last minute thing with the cake so they went to take care of it. Don't worry they'll be back soon. I'm sure Bellamy will be happy to see you. I was just saying to Abby that I'm surprised he didn't make you his best man or woman or whatever." She laughed.

Octavia bit her lip and looked down heading back to her seat on the plush couch.

Clarke shrugged not meeting her eyes, "Well Miller has seen more of Bellamy lately than I have so it makes sense. Plus they've been friends forever." She took her own seat in a chair next to the end of the couch. She couldn't avoid eye contact with Octavia any longer and the brunette gave her a look that said 'we need to talk about this later'.

"Well anyway, you obviously are going to be in your own room Clarke and Octavia in the room she always stays in since is practically hers now anyway but Echo will be in the guest room a few doors down and Bellamy is on the first floor." Abby explained in her orderly fashion.

Clarke gave a questioning look and Aurora seemed to interpret it. "They aren't married yet, we're old fashioned. No sharing rooms." Clarke gave a slight roll of the eyes though she couldn't help feel slightly pleased that they wouldn't be sleeping next to one another.

Before anything else could be said the door opened making her heart skipp a beat. Octavia continues to stare at her as though she was trying to read her so Clarke made her best attempt to keep her expressions normal.

"We're back!" The low rough tone of Bellamy's voice sent a chill up her spine and she could feel the flush creeping onto her face and more importantly Octavia's eyes analyzing every minute of it.

"Clarke" His eyes seemed to fall on her the minute he entered the room. She wasn't sure how to react but he broke into a smile "It's been forever come here."

Clarke stood up awkwardly and walked towards him plastering her best fake smile across her face despite the fact that Monty once told her it looked like someone had injected her with bad botox.

"Hey," she reciprocated the hug hoping he didn't notice the pounding of her chest as it was pressed up against his. She cut it short then gave Echo a curtsy hug despite the irritated look in the girl's sharp eyes.

Bellamy was still smiling though which only made Clarke more unsure of where they stood. His eyes were as dark as melted chocolate but they somehow seemed to glow as he looked at her."How long ago did you get here? I feel bad we weren't here to greet you but there was an issue with the cake."

"No worries it's fine there was traffic." She waved her hand off of it and looked away only to be unable to focus on anything else besides the other pair of Blake eyes staring at her knowingly.

"Yeah" Echo said smiling but her's somehow looked as fake as Clarke's felt. It was too tight. Monty would probably say it looked sewed on. "So glad you could make it."

"Me too." Clarke breathed out wondering if it came out as exasperated as it felt. It was going to be a long week.


	2. Then: Birth

Then: Birth Chapter Text

Then: January 9th 1991  
9:02 pm

"AGHHHHHHHHHH." The shriek pierced the ears of the woman next to it, barely matching the pain in her hand from the tight squeezes. She put a small green blanket over the woman in the passengers seat of her old Chevy hoping that the heat didn't give out before they made it out of the snowy driveway.

"Shh okay I know it hurts but we're going to get you to the hospital and we're going to get a hold of Jake okay?" The woman, Aurora, said trying to calm her best friend who had managed to go into labor during one of the biggest blizzards of the decade.

"Did you try calling?" Abby pleaded weakly drops of sweat and tears mixing as they fell down her cheeks.

"I did sweetie but the phone lines are dead. The power is completely out, there's nothing I can do but once we get you to the hospital we're going to get a hold of him okay?" Aurora added as she shut the side door and raced around to the other side of the car with a bundle curled tightly in her left arm.

Once she managed to open the back door Abby was crying. "What if we don't make it to the hospital?! Oh my god I'm going to have my baby in the snow."

"You are not going to have the baby in the snow." Aurora said sternly putting her own baby in his portable car seat. She had unwrapped the blanket that had been bundled above him before lying it softly over the car seat. He titled his head to the side remaining asleep during the whole process.

She had managed to shovel enough of a path from the front door to the car and around the car but it had taken almost an hour and was when Abby's contractions had merely just __started__. But it wasn't enough as it had taken her so long to get Abby and the baby to the car that the snow was already filling up the areas around the car she had managed to shovel.

Now the contractions were closer together but so wasn't the snow to the tires of the car and she wasn't sure she was going to be able to get it out. With the phone lines dead she couldn't call for an ambulance so she was running out of options.

"I'm a doctor Aurora" Abby breathed holding onto the dashboard as she kneeled forward.. "I know when contractions start to get this close together the baby is coming. And I also know that there is a blizzard and it's going to be nearly impossible to make it to the hospital."

"We are going to make it." Aurora stated ignoring her own worries as she put her baby's hat on tightly and shut the door getting into the driver's seat.

The weather had differently plan for her though and as she stepped down on the gas at full force the wheels did nothing but spin in place, splattering snow up to the side windows with them.

"Oh my god." Abby whimpered clutching her stomach as she glanced through the icy window. "We're trapped!"

"It's okay I'll just have to shovel the wheels out some more." Aurora replied in the calmest voice she could muster. She glanced back at her still sleeping son before getting out of the car and quickly grabbing the shovel she had left leaning against the house.

Slamming the shovel against the snow and ice, she attempted to break off the hard pieces clutched against the tires but it was no use. The snow was falling at a faster rate than she could shovel and even if she could shovel faster the cold air was freezing it to her car. Looking down at the street she knew that even if she managed a miracle and was able to get the car out the roads were covered and the speed of the falling flakes would limit her ability to see where she was driving anyway.

There was no way they would make it to the hospital.

She took in the cold air trying to think of a solution without giving Abby any more of reason to panic. But the truth was she was panicking. There was no way to get a hold of Jake, no way to get to the hospital and no way to get help to come to them.

She knew what this meant. There was only one option left.

Rushing back to the car she opened the back door and began unbuckling her little boy out of his car seat. He began to stir awake at the movement."We're going back inside come on." She added urgently to Abby looked at her like she was crazy from the seat in the front.

"I'm having a baby!"

"Well either you have the baby in your living room by a fire or you're going to end up having it in this car, make your choice."

Abby's eyes widened in fear at the realization of what was going to have to happen. Aurora shut the door and in one arm carried the baby while trying to help Abby walk into the house with the other.

Darkness flowed through the house and she was slow with leading Abby towards the large living room in an effort not to bump into anything. Once in, Abby leaned herself against the edge of the couch as Aurora headed towards the fire place sitting the now awake but quiet baby onto the floor next to her.

Luckily, Jake left the light on the mantle of the stone fireplace so Aurora was able to easily start the fire, lighting up the room around her.

"Okay good," she said with a breath as she picked up the little boy and headed towards a storage closet in the room. "We're going to get you some blankets and well get Bellamy one to sit on, but you're going to have to tell me what else we are going to need." She grabbed a thick maroon blanket out for Abby and a smaller knitted one for Bellamy.

"We can't do this! What if something is wrong with her? What if she needs a doctor! Aurora you don't know how to deliver a baby and oh god…" Abby clenched her teeth together groaning in another episode of severe pain.

"We don't have a choice. You're going to have to walk me through it okay? And she's going to be fine. I promise I won't let anything happen to her." Aurora assured her lying out the blanket on the floor.

"Okay," Abby nodded slowly still unsure about the whole thing. "You're going to need another small blanket for the baby. Actually I bought a little pink one that in the nursery that should do. Oh and you'll need some sort of basin of water…I guess just take a large bowl out of the kitchen? Bring face cloths too, we'll need to clean off me and the baby. Um we need something to cut the cord with…oh I have an extra medical bag in my office upstairs that will probably have something we can use and some other supplies we may need."

"Alright." Aurora nodded to her friend before grabbing the spare flashlight out of the side table drawer and heading to gather the supplies from around the house.

"Are you sure about this?" Abby whimpered as Aurora came back with her arms full of supplies.

"I'm sure we don't have a choice" Aurora breathed sitting down on the floor with Abby. She looked at her own son sitting a few feet away still in his puffy blue jacket and red and green striped hat with a green fluff ball at the top. She may not have been a doctor but she was a mother, she knew how important it was that this went alright."Stay there Bellamy everything will be okay"

Turning back to Abby she nodded signaling she was ready and Abby took a deep breath, "I need you to look and see how many inches I'm dilated. My contractions are close so I should be around ten but if I'm not I won't be able to push her out yet."

Aurora followed her instruction and while she didn't have anyway of actually measuring how dilated Abby was she could estimate that she was around ten inches. "Oh my god I think I see a head," Aurora glanced up at Abby her anxiety rising. This was real. This was happening.

"Okay I'm going to need to push" Abby practically whispered as she nodded to herself despite the deer in the headlights look in her eyes.

"It's okay," Aurora grabbed her hand, "We'll get through it. You can do this."

"It okayyy" A small voice repeated and the two women glanced over to see Bellamy playing with his toy key set.

They both smiled at each other in union as Abby repeated, "I can do this" to herself with a nod to Aurora to indicate that she was ready.

The sharp screams echoed through the room and despite Bellamy's worried noises Aurora focused on keeping her hands in the position to grab the baby as she came out. "Keep going!" She encouraged as the head came through. "She's coming! Keep it up Abby! You can do this she's coming!"

Abby let out one more push and scream and Aurora slowly caught the rest of the little girl as she entered into the world. Almost immediately a shriek pierced from the baby's mouth and Aurora quickly cut the umbilical cord as Abby had instructed her to do and placed the little girl onto the pink blanket Abby had bought for her.

"Is she okay?" Abby panted through her heavy breaths and deep breath as she attempted to try and get a better angle to see her newborn.

"By the sound of the set of lungs she has I'd say so" Aurora joked with relief flooding through her."Now what are you going to name her?"

"Clarke" Abby whispered with a smile forming on her face. "Her name is Clarke. After my maiden name."

"Clarke" Aurora smiled softly wiping off the blood and afterbirth off of the little girl. She had a few strands of light blonde hair and light aqua eyes glistening from the light of the fire. "She's beautiful."

"Jake needs to see her."

"He will" Aurora assured her as she continued the clean-up process, "Stop worrying. He'll be here when the storm calms down." She laid the baby down next to her so she could focus now on cleaning up Abby.

Within moments the crying began to cease and Aurora looked over at Clarke to see that her own little boy had crawled his way over to the baby to see what was in the blanket. He had seemingly calmed the newborn down and she was looking up at him with her tear stuck eyes drying.

"Is she okay?" Abby asked worried with the new silence.

Aurora laughed, "Yeah I think she just got herself a little friend."

And she smiled as Bellamy reached his small hand down and put it on Clarke's face.


	3. Now: Awkward Situations

Now: Awkward Situations Chapter Text

Now: June 20th 2015  
5:56 pm

Clarke groaned as she woke up from her all but too short nap from a knock on her bedroom door. She half expected it to be her mother but wasn't surprised when Octavia threw open the door before Clarke could even say "come in".

She looked up from her spot on her comfy aqua comforter at the familiar girl standing before her. She hadn't changed much in the few months they had been apart aside from her dark brown hair now reaching halfway between her elbow and shoulder in length but Clarke knew she had let herself still miss out on too much of her friend's life while trying to hide out from embarrassment and heartbreak due to Bellamy's rejection.

She flung the door shut quickly before practically jumping onto the edge of the bed,"When the hell were you going to tell me that you were in love with my brother?!"

"Octavia…" Clarke groaned pushing her face into her pillow not quite ready to have this conversation.

"Since birth! Birth Clarke! That is how long we have been friends! And yet you don't tell me that you are in love with Bellamy! And yeah I mean obviously I noticed the flirting and longing glances over the years from the two of you but still I waited because you are supposed to TELL me if you have feelings for him! So can you imagine my horror to find out from __Bellamy__ that you told him you are in love with him?!"

Clarke took a deep breath trying to process all of Octavia's words. She wasn't exactly sure how she would feel but she knew the bold girl would speak her mind on the subject. Still she couldn't help but feel surprised that Octavia's main concern in the whole situation was the fact that Clarke had not informed her of her feelings sooner, despite apparently having some clue to them.

Then it hit Clarke, "Wait what longing looks and flirting? We never did that. Especially Bellamy, unless he had feelings for me years ago and I didn't know about it."

Octavia huffed and threw herself from a seated position to lying down. She grabbed an old throw pillow with sequins and began to pick at them as she rolled her eyes, "You guys are so stupid…" she looked back up, "You really love him?"

"Unfortunately."

"Clarke…"

"We're here for his __wedding__ Octavia. This is seriously probably the most awkward crap I've ever faced. And I don't even know who else he told? Am I going to be sitting at the wedding having guests staring at me waiting to see if I stand up and object?" She flung her pillow back over her face.

Octavia grabbed it off of her. "Don't be dramatic he only told me. I'm pretty sure he didn't even tell Echo. And Mom certainly doesn't know."

"Really?" Clarke glanced over hopeful. She really was nervous that Echo was going to bite her head off for trying to put a stop to her wedding and she couldn't really blame her. It wasn't that Bellamy was a gossip or anything but she was his finance so she had just assumed he had told her.

"What did he tell you?" There was a hesitance in her voice but she wanted Octavia to tell her the truth. And Octavia was blunt and to the point, she wasn't the type to try to sugar coat things so your feelings wouldn't get hurt. Ripping off the band aid was her style.

But this time she acted different. She sucked in the side of her cheek and remained focused on the silver sequins seemingly pretending she hadn't hurt the question.

"Octavia…"

She looked up and clucked her tongue awkwardly. "I don't know I mean he just said how you told him you loved him and that he shouldn't marry Echo. Then when he told you he was going to marry Echo you bolted."

"I didn't know what else to do…I looked so stupid." She reached for another pillow and proceeded to once again put it over her face. Octavia once again pulled it off.

"Stop it. I'm proud of you. I'm mean taking charge like that, it's soooo un-Clarke-like. I mean except that time you told your mom you weren't going to medical school and were going to be an artist."

"Yeah and look how both ended up. Let's be real I'm practically broke and I lost one of my best friends." She reached for a third pillow and Octavia smacked her hand.

"First of all you did not lose Bellamy. He's been so worried about you. But he wasn't sure if you'd want him to call you. Trust me he's been beating himself up over this since it happened. I would've called you except he told me that I should give you space." She looked down and picked off a sequin. "Things are just hectic for him right now…"

"So what do you suggest?"

Octavia dark green eyes seemed to make contact with anything in the room that wasn't her, which only made Clarke more nervous. "What do you mean?"

"Do I pretend nothing happened? Just try to go back to normal?"

Octavia now looked up and her face had a slight look of pity on it. It made Clarke sick to her stomach. She had never seen Octavia look at her like this. Not when her senior year prom date stood her up last minute. Not when she broke up with her first girlfriend. Not when her ex-boyfriend had cheated on her.

This look had something deeper to it. She looked almost __pained.__ Like she wanted to tell Clarke something but couldn't.

"CLARKE. OCTAVIA. DINNER IS READY!"

The sound of her mother's voice snapped her back into reality and Octavia jumped off the bed. "Let's go I'm starved."

…

Dinner was…awkward to say the least.

First, her mother asked her how things were going at the museum…quite frankly not good, buyers were lacking, ticket sales were down, tour sales were down and Clarke barely had time to paint forget show off her own work. Though she didn't want her mother to know any of this since she had chosen to go to art school instead of going into medicine like her mother had wanted so she settled with a simple "Fine".

Then, Aurora unknowingly asked if Clarke was seeing anyone. At that point she awkwardly shot glances at both Bellamy and Octavia who both looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Um not at the moment…" She said with a forced smile as she stabbed her fork into her steak a little too violently.

"Well I ran into President Jaha's…you remember the Dean of the university…well his son the other day, Wells. You went to school with him, Clarke. Anyways he is looking __quite__ well if I do say so myself. And he asked about you so of course I mentioned you were going to be in town…" Abby started and Clarke stopped her quickly.

"Oh my god Mom you are not seriously trying to set me up right now are you?" She could feel the flush creeping onto her face and did not want to make eye contact with Bellamy at this moment. Here he was with his fiance and she looked like the pining best friend whose mother was causally trying to get her a date over dinner with like ten people.

"Clarke, don't be ridiculous it's not a __set up__. I just am merely suggesting you get coffee and catch up with one of your old schoolmates. Besides I only _assumed_ you would be up for dating again since you and that Finn boy broke up so long ago now and from what you said it was amicable." She grabbed the salt and sprinkled some onto her food with a content look on her face, as though there was no awkward tension being created by her words and this was just some ordinary family diner.

"I'll pass"

Abby sighed and gave Aurora a "I tried" look who just nodded back as though saying "I know". She adored both of them, though her and her own mother had some disagreements, but she could deny they got a little too much involved in trying to meddle into their children's lives at times. It came from a place of love and wanting what was best for them but sometimes Clarke wanted to remind them that their opinions of what was best wasn't always exactly what _was_ best.

And this conversation, especially at this time, was not the best thing for any of them. Clarke wanted to melt in her seat.

"Clarke do you have a dress for the wedding yet?" the blonde looked up from mortification to see Echo speaking to her. She actually felt relieved by the change of subject.

"Um well I'm sure I can find something to wear in my closet…" She thought aloud realizing she hadn't really picked anything out to wear yet. She was so worried about facing Bellamy for the first time in three months that some of the little details, such as what she was going to wear to his wedding, had just passed her by.

"Nonsense, Octavia and I are going to my final dress fitting tomorrow. Octavia is getting her last fitting for her maid of honor dress as well so you can come with us and I'm sure you'll find something there." She smiled but Clarke felt it was a bit forced. Still if she was trying to make some sort of bond with Clarke, she figured she could at least put forth some effort too.

"Sure," Clarke responded putting the best smile she could on her own face. She wanted to stay friends with Bellamy and Echo was part of the package now, this was the least she could do.

The rest of dinner went pretty smoothly to Clarke's relief. Octavia went on excitedly about her new degree in business and how she was currently working as an assistant manager of a local coffee shop where the manager, Anya, was teaching her all about running a business and making it your own. Apparently, she had brought in many new ideas to the shop that Anya had really liked and so far her little changes has brought in more business and excitement into the shop than it had seen in years.

Clarke couldn't help but smile seeing Octavia's face light up as she spoke about how customers had complimented her additions and told her what a bright future she had. She knew Octavia had always struggled to fit in and find her place in the world so to see her so excited about something was a happy change to them all.

"I'll have to come home for a weekend and visit," Clarke suggested realizing she hadn't been to her actual home in months.

Octavia's face brightened again, "Yes you have to! You'll love Anya, Clarke. She has all these really cool paintings in the shop from local artists she met while traveling the world when she was younger."

She headed down into what her dad called his "man cave" after dinner and saw him watching a Red Sox game by himself. He smiled as he saw her plop herself next to him as she had done so many times before.

"Hey sweetie. How you holding up after your mother's prying?"

Clarke sighed curling up in her old CAPE COD sweatshirt she had thrown on. "Why does she have to do it in front of everyone. I looked pathetic."

"You didn't look pathetic," he smiled ruffling up her hair. "We all know you are a strong independent young lady, she just worries. Plus I think the wedding has got her impatient and excited for when she gets to help plan yours."

"Oh wonderful." She rolled her eyes. "Well she going to have to wait. I'm single and focusing on my career right now." It wasn't completely untrue but she did wish her career was at less of a standstill. What she really wanted was to paint and show off not only her art but other unknown artists. The truth was she was tired of giving tours for Claude Monet and having the people on the tour interrupting her to say what they had read on the internet before she could even get to it. She just wanted to share the work and stories of someone who wasn't already famous.

Her dad handed her a beer from his mini fridge and she popped it open and turned to focus in on the game. It was familiar and for the first time since she had entered the house, she actually felt relaxed. Her father always had a way of easing the stress that often came on too easily for Clarke. He was always the one that encouraged her to pursue her dreams and understood the things about her that her mother couldn't seem to grasp.

She loved her mother, she really did, but sometimes she felt they were too similar and they butted heads because of it. They were both stubborn, opinionated and proud so when it came to disagreements like Clarke going to art school instead of med school neither seemed to be able to back down on what they thought was best.

She didn't have to worry about those arguments with her dad. There was no pressure for her to be anyone but herself and for that she was grateful.

Everything was right in the world again.

Until Bellamy came in.

"Hey sorry I'm late." He grabbed a beer of his own and plopped onto the other side of Clarke on the couch once again acting as nothing had happened all those months ago. "What did I miss?"

Clarke wanted to tell him he missed the memo when she told him she was in love with him but she chose to keep her mouth shut and let her father catch Bellamy up on the game.

Growing up without a father had been hard for Bellamy and Jake had always stepped in where he could. When he needed someone to teach him to play catch Jake taught him. Advice on girls? He went to Jake. Even when he got in a fight with his own mother he turned to Jake. They had always been close and Clarke understood how her father had been an important role model in Bellamy's life but she couldn't help but feel slightly irked that at that moment she couldn't just be alone with her dad.

Bellamy tried to talk to her but she couldn't shake away the elephant in the room. She only wished it was as easy for her as it was for him. It would be so simple to go back to being best friends, watch the game, drink beers, and act like everything was fine.

But she couldn't.

Every time he brushed his arm against hers it sent shivers through her spine. When he smiled at her she could swear a blush crept up her face. And every time he said her name it was like the rest of the world faded away.

She couldn't go back. Not after she realized that she loved him. Not after she let herself have hope that if she told him how she felt he wouldn't marry Echo. Not after he broke her heart.

She knew it wasn't his fault but it just wasn't as simple as he was trying to make it.

"I'm going to hit the sack. I'm too old for these late night games" Jake chuckled as he rose from the couch.

"But you'll miss the ending," Clarke spit out with a slight panic in her voice.

"It's okay Clarke. We'll let the old man know how it ends" Bellamy laughed looking towards Jake.

But Clarke did not want to let him know how it ended. She wanted to run out of that room like her life depended on it. Before she could think of an excuse to leave Bellamy started talking again.

"They're looking good this season," he replied as he took another sip of his beer. "We need to catch a game I mean how long has it been since we last watched a game at Fenway?"

"Years," Clarke replied trying to concentrate on baseball instead of her proximity to Bellamy.

"Well we should go." He said determined. "And hey you can show me around your work. I still haven't been to the museum."

"It's nothing special."

He scoffed. "Of course it's special. You work there."

She wanted to leave. "It's like any other museum."

He scrunched up his eyebrows as he stared at her. "Okay forget the museum. Have you painted anything new recently?"

"I'm always painting Bellamy." She knew how she sounded; Off, disinterested, a bit rude. It just frustrated her that he was still pretending nothing had happened.

He seemed to notice she was tired of the whole thing and just nodded as a reply. They stayed in silence for a few minutes until Clarke stood up.

"I'm going to go to bed."

"Clarke…" he started. He stood up and grabbed her wrist gently to stop her. She turned and looked at him weakly, not wanting to play this game anymore. "I don't want…I don't want to lose you." Her heart sank, partially in sadness, partially relief. He was finally admitting things weren't okay.

"So pretending is better?" She asked desperately. "Putting up a façade? I can't do that Bellamy. What I said is out there…and I can't take it back even if I wanted to."

"I just don't know what to do." He looked away from her. "I don't know what to do to make things better."

She shrugged. "You can't."

"Clarke please."

She looked at him and he made eye contact again with her. He looked terrified, which was how she felt. But he was looking at her so intently that she knew she couldn't run and hide this time.

"I told you I loved you." She whispered so softly it was barely audible.

His face softened and he got off the couch to stand level with her. He put his hands on her arms and she could feel them shaking. "You mean everything to me Clarke."

She wanted to laugh and point out that she obviously didn't mean _everything_ to him. But she knew it wouldn't change anything, just make her look bitter.

"I just…I can't right now Bellamy…" She whispered and moved her arm out of his grip. He looked like he was at a loss for words but she couldn't deal with that at the moment. "I want things to be like they used to be but…I don't know how."

"Clarke…"

She shook her head and gave her eyes a squeeze trying to prevent any tears from falling. "No listen. I'm happy for you okay? I know you may not think that but I want you to be happy. And Echo's beautiful and she seems great…I just…I just need you to understand that I don't know how to act around you anymore. We'll always be friends it's just…it can't be the same right now. I'm sorry."

He nodded sadly and looked away whispering, "Me too", as she pulled away and left.


	4. Then: Halloween

Chapter 4: Then: Halloween Chapter Text

Then: October 31, 1994  
5:30 pm

"Trick treat! Trick treat!" Clarke sang as she skipped around the kitchen in her costume. She was dressed in a Little Red Riding Hood outfit, which had become her newest favorite bedtime story. She skipped over to the baby sitting in the high chair as she twirled around in her cape. "Tavia we get to get candy!"

The brown eyed little girl squealed in delight. She attempted to grab onto Clarke's cape but Clarke spun away tapping the lady bug antenna on the head of the little girl's costume.

"I want to get…LOLLIPOPS!" Clarke said excitedly continuing her prance through the kitchen. She stole a cheerio off of Octavia's high chair. "Sorry Tavia you can't haf lollys yet."

"Mine" Octavia squealed reaching towards Clarke's hand where the cheerio had just been.

"Daddy when we gonna go?" Clarke asked moving away from Octavia and towards her father.

"Soon sweetheart" Jake said bending down next to his little girl. "Aurora is just helping Bellamy put his costume on then she's going to go to work and then the four of us will go trick or treating."

"BEWAMY!" Clarke shouted impatiently. "HURRY!"

Within seconds the four year old came rushing into the kitchen. "Don't leave I'm ready!" He said eagerly. He was decked out in a pirate costume and Aurora followed closely behind.

"Okay Bellamy I want you to behave for Jake tonight. No running off and help take care of your sister." Aurora told him firmly as she adjusted the hat over his brown curls.

"Yes Mommy," he muttered with a slight roll of the eyes. "Come on Cark we gotta get all the candy!" He grabbed her hand and dragged her into the other room.

"Are you sure you don't mind taking them tonight? Three can be a handful…" Aurora asked reaching for her purse. This was the first Halloween since she had children that she had to work and she couldn't help but feel guilty about missing out but she needed the money. Plus they had offered her time and a half to work the holiday and she was really in no financial position to turn that down.

"No don't worry about it. Abby will be home later tonight and help me get them to bed. You head off to your shift."

She nodded in relief. She knew Abby's job was hectic in itself and her friend would be able to relate to the guilt she was feeling for missing out on taking the kids trick or treating.

"Oh wait," she reached for the inside of her purse and pulled out a disposable camera. "Would you mind taking a few shots?"

"If they can stay still long enough." Jake joked as he took the camera from her.

Aurora nodded in understanding before turning towards the living room, "Bellamy! I'm leaving be good for Jake and Abby!"

"Yes Mommy!" She heard him yell back and she took that as her leave and after giving Jake a brief nod goodbye, and Octavia a kiss she headed off.

Jake picked up the baby ladybug and headed into the living room where Clarke and Bellamy were. Bellamy was showing Clarke his eye patch and talking about the candy he hoped to get. Clarke was twirling around in her cape again.

Jake went over and sat on the edge of the couch so he could be at the kids level."Okay kiddos I have your bags here but let's go over some ground rules. There's no running ahead, you have to stay with me. Remember to thank everyone that gives you candy and don't eat any of the candy until we get back because I have to check it all. Got it?"

"Got it" the two repeated in union going back to their costume accessories.

Once Jake got Octavia into Clarke's old stroller the four headed out to trick or treat. Jake and Abby lived in a relatively large neighborhood and the sidewalks had filled with families and their children on their own candy excursions.

Jake, himself, had never taken the kids out trick or treating before. In previous years Aurora and Abby would while he stayed behind handing out candy but Abby had gotten a promotion and was working more hours and Aurora, now that she had two children, had to pick up every shift she could get so that left him with the job.

"I wish I wived here" Bellamy said to Clarke from in front of Jake. "The lady in that house gave me a big candy last year".

"Well Mrs. Jenkins is a very nice lady," Jake told him feeling a slight pain in his heart at the boy's words. One of the reasons Bellamy had started going trick or treating with them years ago was because the Blakes didn't live in the best area.

The boy in front was oblivious of the harsh relaties of his word thought and Jake smiled as the two children skipped up to the first house. Their neighbor ,Mrs. Higgens, answered the door with a bright smile.

"Well don't you two just look adorable! What do we have here? A pirate and red riding hood. And oh looky over here a little ladybug aren't you all precious." She clapped her hands together happily cooing over the children.

"We'd like some candy!" Clarke shouted.

"What do you say Clarke?" Jake asked her with a look.

"Trick or treat?"

"I'm thinking manners." He added with a small laugh.

"Oh please!" The blonde girl said with a wide smile holding up a bag to the old woman.

"Of course dear. Here you go. And some for you too." She handed both the children their candy who thanked them again and hopped back down the steps towards the neighborhood sidewalk.

"I got M&Ms Cark!" Bellamy exclaimed excitedly shoving the bag into Clarke's face for her to see.

"Cool! I got…I don't know what I got."

They continued down the neighborhood sidewalk traveling to each house as it got later into the night. Octavia eventually fell asleep in the stroller but Bellamy and Clarke kept insisting that there were more houses to go to.

Their bags filled up quickly but the two kept at it insisting that they hadn't got enough of their favorites yet. Clarke counted only two skittles and claimed that wasn't enough. Jake being a sucker for his little girl let them keep going even though he knew Abby would have words for him later about keeping them out so late.

Eventually they reached the Rodney's house which was on a slight hill and Jake told them he'd wait at the bottom of the stairs since Octavia was in her stroller and it was only a few feet away.

The two walked up the steps and reached the door like they had every other time and used their manners when a woman answered the door to them and excitedly received their candy. They were heading back down towards Jake when Clarke tripped over one of the steps and came tumbling down with her candy bag and all.

"Cark!" Bellamy yelled rushing down the steps to the little girl who was now crying.

Jake rushed over to her with Octavia by his side and helped her up. "It's okay hunny let's see. Oh you have a few scratches but you're gonna be all right."

Clarke sniffed. "My candy all fell."

Jake looked around and sighed as the bag had spilt everywhere. Most of the candy would be fine in its packages but it was dark and hard to even see where some of it fell.

"Here!" Bellamy said grabbing her bag and starting to pick up some of the candy. Jake and Clarke helped but in the end she ended up with a lot less than they had started with.

They made that their last house and headed back to the Griffin's. Abby, home from her hospital shift, answered the door and started fretting immediately after seeing Clarke scratched up. She pulled her into the house and immediately started tending to her and putting bandages over the bloody areas.

Jake brought Octavia and Bellamy into the living room. He dropped Clarke's bag on the ground and Bellamy put his in front of the man to inspect. After Jake looked through it Bellamy dumped it out on a section of the rug and started sorting it into two piles.

Clarke came back in with Abby and looked at her salvaged bag of candy. "It's mostly gone." She said sadly.

"I went through it and there's still a lot of good stuff in there." Jake told her trying to cheer her up.

She shrugged and slumped down onto the ground picking at what was left. She looked over and saw Bellamy scooping up a pile of candy and carrying it over to her. He dumped it on top of her pile.

"Now you have more!" He exclaimed with a smile.

Clarke looked up at him. "But that's yours."

"I share with you since you lost some." He said and turned back to his own pile to grab a piece to eat.

"Bellamy that's very nice of you." Abby said with a smile. "What do you say Clarke?"

"Tank you" she said getting up and giving Bellamy a hug. "You like my prince. Next year I be a princess and you be a prince."

"But princes aren't scary" Bellamy said scrunching his nose.

"But if I'm a princess I need a prince." Clarke told him.

Bellamy shrugged. "I guess."

"Well I think it's time for bed." Abby clapped her hands together. "You guys have had a hectic night. Look Octavia's already asleep. Let's wash up." She led the two upstairs and helped Bellamy into the guest room and then helped Clarke into her own bed.

"Did you have fun trick or treating?" She asked after her little girl was tucked in.

"Yeah until I fall. But Bellamy gave me candy. I'm gonna marry him." She said sleepily closing her eyes.

Abby smiled. "Okay sweetie." And kissed her on the head goodnight.


	5. Now: Shopping Trips and Jealous Feelings

Chapter 5: Now: Shopping Trips and Jealous Feelings Chapter Text

Now: June 21, 2015  
8:00 a.m.

Clarke groaned at the sound of her alarm going off. She had been looking forward to sleeping in until Echo informed her that the dress shopping was to take place at the crack of dawn.

She knew she shouldn't be annoyed; Echo probably had a lot of last minute things to do. She was planning a wedding of course. And it was nice of her to invite her. Still after the conversation between her and Bellamy the night before she could have used another hour or two of sleep to avoid the day.

She threw on a pair of jeans and a purple tank top before throwing her hair up in a mess bun. She figured there was no need to look nice considering she was just going to be changing out of these clothes to try on dresses anyway.

Apparently her logic was wrong though because when she walked downstairs Echo was in a pretty teal summer dress with her hair down and curled. She looked gorgeous and Clarke couldn't help but feel plain in comparison. Unfortunately before she could bolt back up to her room and change Echo, and Bellamy who was standing next to her, saw Clarke.

Echo smiled "Morning Clarke, I'm so glad you're going to come on me and Octavia's last minute errands."

Clarke put on a fake smile for the both of them. Suddenly her friend Monty's moonshine was sounding like a real good pick me up. "Yeah should be fun." She could hear the fakeness in her own voice.

Bellamy apparently could too because he gave her a look. Clarke rolled her eyes and walked over to the kitchen cabinet to grab a granola bar.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?" Bellamy asked Echo sounding nervous.

"Obviously. Bellamy I'm putting on my wedding dress. You can't see me in it it's bad luck. Besides you need to go with Lincoln to the reception hall to make sure they put in place those changes for the table that I asked for."

"Whose Lincoln?" Clarke asked not caring that she was intruding as she took a bite of the granola bar.

"Octavia's new boyfriend." Bellamy said looking up at her. There was tension between them from last night but he was clearly trying to hide it from Echo by acting casual. "I'm surprised Octavia didn't tell you about him."

"Me too. Must be serious if she's taking him to the wedding." Clarke said aloud more to herself. Octavia had never been real serious with any of her boyfriends and usually made up excuses as to why they couldn't attend any family events. Clarke knew the real reason they weren't there, Octavia didn't invite them.

Echo looked over. "He's great you'll love him. Who knows maybe he's got some cute friends Clarke". She winked and Clarke felt her chest tighten.

Echo knowing Octavia's boyfriend, being close with him, actually being close with both the Blake's made her feel replaced. She knew she had gotten more distant since she moved to the city and especially after her confession to Bellamy exploded in her face but she couldn't help the jealousy she was feeling. It was one thing to feel like she was loosing Bellamy but also Octavia?

Maybe she was being selfish. Echo was going to be their family after all.

Relief flooded over her when Octavia came strolling into the room. "Morning bitches. Sorry I'm late." She walked over to the coffee machine and Clarke moved over to her leaving Echo and Bellamy to themselves.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend?" She whispered to the girl feeling slightly upset that she hadn't confided in her and hoping Bellamy and Echo didn't hear the bother in her voice from where they were.

Octavia shrugged as she poured the coffee,"I don't know it's just you had stuff going on and…"

"Oh my god do not tell me that you didn't tell me because of what happened with me and you know who?"

She looked up at her. "You know who? He's not Waldomort, Clarke."

"It's Voldemort. Geez, Octavia try to at least pretend you've seen Harry Potter." Clarke rolled her eyes as she leaned back on the counter. Octavia was never as much of a movie person as her and Bellamy. She got bored to quickly.

"I saw the one with the snake. And I didn't tell you because it was weird timing and I didn't want to make you feel bad."

Clarke shook her head. "Well thanks now I feel worse." She walked back over to where the other two were; ready to get this day over with.

Echo clapped her hands together as she came over. "Ready to go? I'm so excited."

"I'm ready" Octavia said grabbing her mug giving Clarke an apologetic look.

Clarke grabbed her purse. "Yeah me too."

Echo turned and gave Bellamy a little too long in Clarke's eyes goodbye kiss before turning for them to head out.

Bellamy's eyes lingered on Clarke's after the kiss as if anticipating her reaction.

She was getting real fed up with this pity party.

…

Echo looked beautiful in her dress. It was a fitted halter top style with an open back and a long train that flared out at the hips. The long lace veil pulled the whole look together and Clarke hated to admit it but she was a stunning bride.

The girl beside her looked just as stunning in Clarke's eyes though. Octavia's dress was a deep dark purple, fitted, and strapless. The back had a slight dip that was tied together with ribbon but not in a flashy big ugly bow way.

She had always seen Octavia as a little sister and even though she was hurt that she kept Lincoln at this moment all of that was forgotten. Because she felt like she was looking at her little sister all grown up.

Octavia turned and looked at her. Seeing Clarke's smile she posed. "What do you think?"

"I think Lincoln's going to be blown away." She stood up and put Octavia's hair up in an imaginary bun while turning her towards the mirror. "This way he can see your face."

Octavia smiled and titled her head to Clarke who was behind her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep it from you. It's just I hadn't talk to you in months with everything…I guess I just didn't know how."

Clarke somewhat understood. She had cut herself off after all. "It's okay I've just missed you."

"Me too so don't fly off the Earth again okay?"

"Okay."

Echo had come back out of the dressing room after changing out of her dress and smiled at Octavia. "Oh you look stunning. I can't believe you're going to be my sister."

Clarke dropped Octavia's hair but gave a small weak smile at the two girls.

Octavia seemed to sense the discomfort as she turned to Clarke. "We still have to find you a dress."

"Really I can just find something in my closet…"

"Nonsense, Octavia is right. We want you to look nice." Echo said staring at Clarke's clothes and Clarke realized what she was implying. She hadn't dressed as nicely as the other two for their shopping trip and Echo assumed Clarke's formal wear would be just as bad.

"Right" Clarke said letting the two girls lead her over to where some of the formal dresses were. She looked through the rack not really caring what she was going to wear. It didn't matter anyway; Bellamy's eyes were only going to be on Echo.

She shook her head to herself. She couldn't think like that anymore. She had to let go of him, move on. She had plenty of other options. Cute guys, cute girls. They were everywhere. She couldn't let Bellamy Blake ruin dating for her.

She smiled at a navy blue gown and pulled it off the rack. The top was laced over the solid bodice and had long sleeves and Clarke liked the elegant look it provided.

"I love that! Try it on!" Octavia demanded as she practically snatched the dress from her. "Yes I have shoes the will go perfectly with this" she added decidedly as she led Clarke over to the changing room shoving her and the dress inside.

Clarke stepped out and Octavia's jaw dropped as she turned to look at the mirror herself. She even smiled at the sight. She felt confident, beautiful.

"Now that will turn eyes" Octavia nodded.

The three of them headed to a French restaurant for lunch after the dress shopping had concluded. Clarke felt really anxious in the quiet close proximity to Echo. While they were at the shop all the focus had been on the dresses and the wedding but now...

"I'll have a salad with light dressing and a glass of water." Echo stated with a smile to the waitress as she handed her the last menu. She turned to Clarke. "So Clarke tell me what it's like living in the city."

Clarke felt slight relief that she had started the conversation but the awkwardness of the situation didn't seem to fad. "Um it's good just very different. I mean I'd always lived in the suburbs and well the city is much more hectic. Always full of life."

Echo nodded with a smile. "I don't know how you manage I've always felt like it was so…dirty and filled with creepy people."

"Well Clarke lives in a good part of the city." Octavia chimed in and while Clarke was grateful it wasn't exactly true. She lived in a cheap apartment building that was nearly set on fire every other week due to her close friends and neighbors, Monty and Jasper. The truth was she didn't make much money at the museum and she was too proud to use her parents money to live off of.

"Well it's filled with museums which are what I love. Especially the art." Clarke explained taking a sip of the wine she had ordered.

"Oh museums. Bellamy loves those too. Personally I can't stand to walk around those things all day."

Clarke shrugged "It's a preference thing I guess."

"Clarke, Lincoln likes to draw too" Octavia explained "I'm sure he'd love to see some of your work."

"Really?" Clarke said surprised but a bit excited that she might have someone to share her passion with.

"Oh speaking of art, I have a favor to ask of you Clarke." Echo said interrupting Octavia and Clarke.

"Oh?" Clarke could feel anxiety beginning to well up. What kind of favor could she possible want of her?

"Yes well I mean I want to give something nice to Bellamy for our wedding present but I haven't been able to think of anything. Then a friend of mine told me something they did. A painting!"

Clarke felt her nerves rising. She didn't like where this was going.

"So how would you like to paint me for Bellamy?" Echo asked looking from Clarke to Octavia with a giant smile like it was the best idea in the world.

Octavia looked nervously at Clarke clearly not expecting this outburst either.

"Like naked?" Clarke asked ready to vomit.

Echo laughed. "Not of course not. I'll be wearing something elegant and sexy though."

"Um…"

"I mean don't worry I'll pay you." She said with a wave of her hand. "But I didn't want to be boring and just buy some meaningless present. This will be like a constant reminder of how sexy his wife is. Who wouldn't want that?"

"Aren't you being there every day a constant reminder?" Clarke asked trying to find a way to get out of this.

"Well you know so he'll remember what I look like even when I get fat. Waiter! I'd like a refill." She said putting her hand up. "Just think about it. It can always be a late gift." She added as the waiter came over.

Clarke nodded awkwardly not really sure what to make of the whole situation as the conversation turned elsewhere.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful with a few stops made on the way back to Clarke's parent's vacation house. She felt relieved when she saw the house come into view. The day hadn't gone badly yet she still felt a bit emotionally drained and had Echo's request laying on her mind. For someone who loved painting the idea of it had never made her feel so sick.

They walked into the house and Echo immediately ran to Bellamy and gave him again a long kiss. It hurt but Clarke shook her head remembering her promise to move on. Maybe that was it; if she wanted to move on she had to accept Echo. Maybe painting her would help.

They all sat in the living room like one giant family to chat after dinner. Clarke curled up on the couch next to her dad leaning into his arm as everyone chatted. This was the one good part about her trip, being reunited with him.

He looked down at her. "Did you find a pretty dress today?" No one else was listening as they were busy in their own conversations.

She shrugged "Yeah it's alright."

"I bet you look beautiful."

She shrugged again playing with her phone in her hands. She had left her new cat with Raven and was waiting for an update on how it was going.

Her dad sighed. "I know things look bad now but trust me things have a way of working out the way they are supposed to."

She looked up from her phone confused. "What do you mean?"

Her dad's eyes moved over to Bellamy. Clarke's heart dropped.

"You know?" She whispered even though no one else was listening.

He gave her a soft smile. "You don't think I can tell when my own child is in love?"

Clarke looked down not being able to meet his eyes. "I feel so stupid dad."

"You're not stupid." He sighed "I was hoping you two would talk last night."

Clarke looked back up at him. "You did that on purpose?"

"You need to talk."

"No we don't he's made his feelings clear." She huffed in her loud whisper.

He gave her a look. "You sure about that?"

Clarke was about to ask him what he meant when the doorbell rang and the conversations in the room seemed to cease.

Abby stood up. "That's odd. I wonder who that is." She walked out of the living room to get the door while Aurora asked Bellamy and Echo if they were expecting someone.

Abby walked back in looking surprised. "Clarke it's for you." Behind her walked in a familiar brunette with a suitcase trailing behind her.

"Raven!"


	6. Then: The Gift

Chapter 6: Then: The Gift Chapter Text

Then: December 2, 1998

7:49 a.m.

Clarke was sick. Really sick. It had started out seemingly like the flu but Jake and Abby had brought her to the hospital two days before but her fever and other symptoms only seemed to be getting worse.

Aurora had never felt like she could help her friends the way they helped her over the years but she never felt so helpless as she did at this moment. Looking over at her own little boy sitting at the kitchen table she couldn't imagine what she would do if one of her own children were in Clarke's position.

To make things worse both Octavia and Bellamy had noticed Clarke's sudden absence in their lives and neither of them liked it very much. She wasn't exactly sure how to explain to them the severity of the situation or if she really should.

She sighed as she placed Bellamy's Power Rangers lunch box on the kitchen table in front of him, "Put this in your bag pack bud."

"Mommy when are we gonna see Clarke?" The eight year old looked up at his mother with a pout on his face.

Aurora sighed and bent down next to him as she had every morning since Clarke got sick. "Bellamy I told you Clarke is very sick. She's at the doctors right now, but we can visit her tonight after dinner. For now you have to get to school."

Bellamy looked upset. "Why can't we go now?"

"Bellamy you can't miss school."

"But Clarke did."

"Clarke is sick sweetie."

"But she wants her friends." He argued as he stole a strawberry off Octavia's plate. The five year old glared at him from across the table clearly sick of Bellamy and Clarke taking food off of her plate over the years.

"That's mine," she across the table and grabbed the fruit out of Bellamy's hand. "I wanna see Clarke too Momma!"

"You will." Aurora said packing up the last of Bellamy's things into his matching Power Ranger back pack. "But for now you both have school. Octavia don't forget you have show and tell today."

"Right." Octavia said jumping out of her chair and running towards the room she shared with her mother to grab her toy bunny that she was planning on bringing.

"We should get Clarke a present!" Bellamy said thinking about the stuffed animal Octavia was bringing to school. "Then she will have something with her in the hospital."

Aurora gave him a sad smile. "Sweetie that's a great idea and I wish we could but right now we really don't have the money to buy presents. Now go get your shoes on."

Bellamy grumbled as he followed his mother's orders.

…

"Are we gonna see Clarke today?" Bellamy asked immediately as he jumped into his mother's car after school. Octavia was sitting in the seat next to him and her head perked up at Clarke's name.

It had been three days since they had seen her and at the time the little girl hadn't been doing so well. She was too weak at the time to even speak and Bellamy had done nothing but talk about her worriedly since they got home that night.

Luckily the night before her fever had broken and it looked like the worst was over. Aurora knew how bad things had been looking for a while there and while she hadn't wanted Bellamy to know she knew he could sense that the situation wasn't good.

She smiled looking at him in the rear view mirror happy she finally had some good news to share with him. "Yes she's getting better buddy."

Bellamy's face turned into a bright smile. "Really? Good can we stop at the store on the way?"

"For what?"

Bellamy reached into his backpack and pulled out some cash. "To buy Clarke a present."

"Bellamy Blake where did you get that money!?" Aurora asked louder than she meant to at the shock of seeing Bellamy with cash in his hand.

He scrunched up his face. "It's for Clarke's present."

"Yes I see that but where did you get it?" She asked sternly as she gripped the wheel tightly and silently prayed that she wasn't going to get a call from the school saying her son had stolen cash from a teacher's purse.

"From you," He said stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I want money" Octavia said reaching for it. "Why don't I get money?"

"No it's for Clarke, Tavia. Cuz she's sick."

Aurora took a deep breath trying to concentrate on the road. "Bellamy I did not give you that money, now where did you get it."

"You gave it to me. You give me it every morning." He told her while pulling the money away from Octavia who was still trying to grab it and pouting about how it was unfair that he had it.

"Bellamy that is your lunch money!" Aurora exclaimed exasperated realizing what he meant. "Bellamy Blake please tell me that you have been eating lunch!"

He shrugged from the back seat. "I shared with Nathan. His mommy packs him a lot. Octavia __stop__."

Aurora took a deep breath feeling embarrassment well up inside her wondering if Mrs. Miller thought she wasn't feeding her son. She would have to give her a call and explain the situation."Bellamy promise me if I let you buy Clarke a small gift you will never do this again? I give you that money for lunch and that's what you need to use it for."

"Yes mommy." He said with another shrug.

They headed to the closest Walmart and Bellamy ran to the toys aisle with Octavia jogging closely behind. The two argued over the stuffed animals but finally agreed on a small white teddy bear with a pink ribbon.

Aurora made Bellamy promise once again to never again pocket his lunch money as they headed to the check out. Normally she wouldn't let him get his way this easily but she knew how worried he had been about Clarke and she also knew what it felt like to feel helpless when your friends need help.

She smiled seeing him hold onto the teddy bear the whole ride to the hospital excited to see Clarke's face when he gave it to her.

They got to the hospital and Aurora reminded both of them that Clarke was still not feeling well and that they needed to be gentle with her. She glanced over at Octavia warning her not to jump onto the bed or Clarke in the excitement of seeing her.

Clarke, to Bellamy's excitement, was awake when they entered the room. Aurora went to give Abby a hug and Octavia, ignoring her mother's words, ran over and practically jumped on the bed shouting Clarke's name forcing Aurora to run over and pull her off.

Bellamy walked over shyly, "Hi Clarke"

"Hi Bellamy" She smiled weakly.

"Are you feeling better?"

"A lil" She said looking at the teddy bear in his hand. "What's that?"

He smiled softly holding it up to her. "It's for you. So you get better and we can play again."

She reached her arms out taking the teddy bear and hugging it tightly. "Thank you Bellamy".

"And me!" Octavia shouted still squirming from her mother's grasp.

"Thanks 'Tavia" Clarke smiled at her smaller friend.

"When you don't feel good you can hold it and then you'll feel better" Bellamy told her proudly.

Clarke smiled and Aurora walked over to him. "Okay sweetie I think we should let Clarke rest some more now."

"Okay feel better Clarke."

She hugged the bear in response with a smile as the three left her to recover. Within a couple of days she was home again but the bear sat safety on her dresser for years to come.


	7. Now: When The Past Returns

Chapter 7: Now: The Past Will Haunt You Chapter Text

Chapter 7:

Now: Jun. 21, 2015

6:12 pm

"Raven?!" Clarke jumped off her seat in surprise and ran to hug her. She couldn't believe the brunette was standing in the doorway at that moment. It was like seeing her two separate lives collide. At the same time seeing Raven felt like a flood of relief had washed over her whole body. It had only been a day but she hadn't realized how much she would need a friend here. She had Octavia but she couldn't really expose herself and her feelings about the whole situation to the sister of the groom. And while her dad seemed to pick up on her feelings for Bellamy she didn't want to have to relive the retelling of the story of her rejection.

Raven gave her a soft smile as she pulled away and Clarke's heart sank. Something was wrong. She didn't have that large grin or dramatic reaction to how humongous the house was. She expected Raven to go on and on about how they should just move here instead of their crappy apartment if she ever came here.

But Raven looked…upset.

"What's wrong?" Clarke asked not bothering to wonder what everyone else in the room was thinking.

"Nothing" She put on a fake smile. "I just thought I'd take you up on that offer to spend a week away from the work life."

Clarke nodded slowly. "Right. Um everyone this is Raven she's my roommate in Boston. I invited her here hope nobody minds…but if you don't mind I'll introduce you all after. I'm going to get her settled."

She didn't bother looking back knowing very well he mother would have a comment to make about her not giving Raven a proper introduction and then taking off and being rude. She didn't care though. Raven didn't get upset often. She wasn't the type to cry at sad movies or have her feelings hurt when customers were rude. There was only one time Clarke had ever seen Raven Reyes truly upset: Finn.

She had tried to put Finn out of her mind for almost a year now. It was weird to think that her and Raven's friendship had come together after they had found out their mutual boyfriend was cheating on the both of them with the other but Raven was just that easy to love. And while Clarke had been pretty upset at the time, she even believed she had been falling in love with Finn, her pain was nothing compared to Raven's. Who had dated him for almost six years and believed they would be together forever.

She led Raven to one of the many guest rooms and shut the door behind her. Raven sat on the bed quietly while Clarke carried her suitcase in and sat it on the chair.

She took a deep breath and plopped on the bed next to Raven.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm scared."

Her words took Clarke by surprise. If sad was never the word to describe Raven, afraid would have been even further from it.

"Of what?" Clarke asked putting one arm around the girl.

"Finn" Raven said wide eyed looking at Clarke seriously. Clarke felt a slight tug in her stomach at the mention of his name. It was like a nausea wave that hit her with the reminder of what he did to them.

"What? What are you talking about Raven? Finn's gone. He's out of our lives. We never have to see him again." Clarke squeezed Raven's shoulder trying to reassure her. She knew Finn had messed up Raven way more than he had messed up her but she couldn't see why Raven would ever be afraid of him.

"Clarke how many times has he come over trying to get you back since you guys broke up?" Raven pulled away and looked at her seriously. She had tears in her eyes and she was biting her lip nervously waiting for her friend's response.

"Raven…" She started with a sigh but knew she had to be truthful. She hadn't told Raven about all the times Finn had stopped by over the past year begging her to give him a second chance. She hadn't wanted to hurt her, especially when Raven was the one who had not only started dating him first but had loved him with her whole heart. Clarke had been falling in love with Finn herself, but not to the extent that Raven loved him, and never to the extent that she loved Bellamy.

Truthfully she hadn't realized that she was in love with Bellamy until a few months after the break up with Finn. And then by the time she came around to telling him it was too late.

"He's come around a few times…well maybe more than a few. I'm sorry Rey I just didn't want to hurt you." Clarke said honestly feeling like she was going to cry herself after seeing a tear fall down Ravens cheek.

Raven wiped it off and nodded slowly. "He came by this morning like early. I'm talking like four in the morning Clarke." She looked at her seriously. "He was hammered. I didn't want to let him in but he kinda just pushed his way through screaming your name. He kept yelling that you needed to come out so you guys could work things out. I've never seen him like that Clarke…"

Clarke took the information in. All the times Finn had come around he had never been drunk, annoying yes but drunk no.

"I started yelling at him to leave" Raven continued. I must have woken Monty and Jasper up because they came over to find out what was going on. When they saw Finn they tried to get him out of the apartment as well. They offered to call him a cab and everything but…he was out of control. He just wouldn't listen Clarke. He got angry."

"Did he hurt you?" Clarke asked worried. She really couldn't see Finn hurting anyone but the boy Raven was describing wasn't the Finn she thought she had known. Then again she hadn't thought him to be a cheater either.

"No" Raven shook her head firmly. "But he did hurt Jasper. They were trying to force him out of the apartment and well Finn is stronger and shook them off then grabbed that pretty flowered vase off the end table and threw it at the wall. Jasper dodged it for the most part but he has a cut on his forehead from the glass."

"Did you call the cops?" Clarke asked and when Raven shook her head no Clarke jumped off the bed and towards the phone in the room. She had left her cell downstairs without realizing it in the excitement of Raven's arrival.

"Clarke don't" Raven said getting up and pulling the phone out her hand. "Afterwards he apologized and like freaked out. He kept saying sorry and that he didn't mean it and I believe him. That wasn't Finn he was just drunk and being stupid."

"He threw a vase at Jasper!"

"Well it was at the wall, Jasper was just a little too close, look Clarke he promised he'd talk to someone and get help. He just got too drunk and upset because apparently he heard you were getting married."

"What?" Clarke asked even more confused but still looking intently at the phone in Raven's hand. Raven may believe in Finn but this was the same person who had promised to be faithful to her and hadn't. And for Clarke that trust didn't come back so easy.

"It was a stupid mistake. Through his drunken rant from what I understand he went looking for you at work and found out you took a week off for a wedding. Well whoever he talked to wasn't very knowledgeable about the situation and thought __you__ were the one getting married. So Finn came by thinking you'd still be at your apartment not realizing the wedding was well here." Raven explained still holding tightly onto the phone.

"That's even more creepy. I'm calling the cops." Clarke said reaching for the phone but Raven pulled it away. "Raven give me the phone he scared you to the point where you came here!"

"Okay one that wasn't the only reason I came here. I was also worried about you. Two, yes I was freaked out and Monty and Jasper invited me to stay with them until you came back but I just thought it would be better if I came here instead and let you know what was going on. Plus you were balling your eyes out last night and I was going to have to come down here anyway if that continued." Raven said softly trying to calm Clarke down. "But you know Finn he's not crazy. We told him that you were in fact not getting married and once he sobered up he realized how wrong he was."

Clarke stared at the phone rocking back in forth. Her teeth were beginning to hurt from grinding them so hard out of anger. "He tries to contact either of us once I will call the cops."

Raven nodded reluctantly "Agreed."

"Also the only one in this house besides us who knows about the Finn situation is Octavia let's keep this between us." Clarke said not meeting Raven in the eyes as she told her the last part.

"What?" Raven asked. "You never told them what happened?"

"Look my mother already thinks badly of my life in Boston if she knows that I'm also dating two timers than she's make an episode of it." Clarke said shortly.

"Yeah yeah geez Clarke any more secrets?"

Clarke shrugged "Well Bellamy's fiancé asked me to paint her today?"

Raven laughed and then saw Clarke's face. "Oh my god you're serious. Sit down apparently we have more to discuss before we go back down."

…

It had been an hour and a half since Raven had arrived and Clarke knew her mother was not going to be happy that she had decided to bolt upstairs instead of giving Raven a proper introduction to everyone and well explanation for her arrival. And then if that was rude enough in Abby Griffin's mind the fact that Clarke had disappeared for an hour and a half with no explanation would be compared to ditching the president.

Her and Raven headed down the stairs to see where everybody had gathered. While Raven had been too upset upon arrival to give her awe induced commentary on the house she was certainly feeling better now and pointing out every object or painting she was "for sure" was worth more than their crappy apartment.

The living room was empty so they headed towards the kitchen and dining room area where a flood of voices were beginning to come into earshot.

"Echo, Octavia says your wedding dress is absolutely stunning." Abby's voice came through the doorway.

Echo giggled "Oh I'll have to show you later but we shouldn't talk too much about it in front of Bellamy, could be bad luck."

Clarke stopped in the hall and Raven gave her a look. Then she turned and began walking the other way.

Raven grabbed her. "Clarke Griffin you are going in there."

"Do we have to? There are a lot of good food places we can go instead? Do you like clams? There's a great clam shop nearby that me and Bellamy… How about pizza? Let's get pizza."

Raven didn't let go of her arm and was giving her one of her looks. Suddenly it was like Clarke couldn't imagine that worried and scared look on Raven's face again. She was back to her tough demeanor and sassy attitude.

Clarke kicked at the long ornament rug on the hallway floor. She didn't care if she was acting childish she didn't want to go in there and hear about Echo and Bellamy's wedding.

"Clarke Griffin, you are one of the strongest people I know."

Clarke looked up surprised. She had always saw Raven as the strong one and certainly never felt like she was strong.

Raven shook her head "Seriously Clarke you are. You are the one who stood up to your surgeon mom and said you were going to art school, you're the one who took a risk and quit your job when your boss was refusing to pay you the same as the guys at that art studio, and you're the one who kept both of us strong after Finn. You are strong Clarke, and I know you love him and I don't know why in the world he doesn't love you back but that doesn't mean you're weak. It just makes you stronger for being able to say it."

Clarke smiled and threw her arms around Raven. Raven was right. She was strong. They both were.

"Now enough with the sappiness and let's go I'm starving." Raven laughed.

They headed into the large kitchen and dining area and once noticed by the others the chatter ended. Everyone looked expectantly and Clarke smiled. "Guys I'd like you to meet Raven. Raven this is everyone."


	8. Then: The Camping Trip

Chapter 8: Then: The Camping Trip Chapter Text

Chapter 8:

Then: May 12, 2000

3:34 p.m.

"I don't want to go" Bellamy pouted on the old rundown couch in Aurora's apartment. He kicked off his shoes and folded his arms glaring at the floor. "Actually I'm not going. There."

Aurora sighed as she continued to pick through the laundry basket on the chair from the other side of the small living room. She pulled out a black leotard with relief flooding her face. "Oh good I did wash it. Look Bellamy I don't have time for this right now, you're going to your Boy Scout meeting. __You__ were the one who begged me to sign up because of how cool Nate said it was and I paid all that money for that uniform, which I had to work overtime for by the way, and I also need to take Octavia and Clarke to dance class and I'm certainly not dealing with you sitting in the waiting area whining about how bored you are…" She took a deep breath as she at last found the tights in the laundry pile.

She turned towards Bellamy with one hand on her hip and the other with the leotard and tights. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun and she had a spaghetti sauce stain on her shirt from their dinner. She was exhausted.

The small living room was already filled with Barbies from Octavia and Clarke who had run into Octavia's room to practice dancing before class instead of cleaning them up. The laundry was piled up in the bathroom and the small amount she had managed to get done was sitting on the only living chair in the room.

But this was a normal day for her as a single mother. Abby had helped her so much and they had come up with a schedule where Abby would watch the kids during Aurora's late shift on Friday's and she would take them on Tuesday's so Abby could pick up a later shift at the hospital. The arrangement had worked quite nicely and allowed Aurora to make some extra money on Friday nights at the restaurant she was currently working at. Friday's were the busiest night after all.

Octavia and Clarke were in the same dance class on Tuesday's so she would take them after dropping Bellamy off at his cub scouts meeting. Fortunately for her, Bellamy's best friend Nathan's father was the leader of their troop and offered to watch Bellamy and take him home after the meeting.

Except tonight Bellamy was refusing to go.

"I'm. Not. Going." He said stubbornly kicking one of the barbies on the floor.

"Bellamy what's going on? You love cub scouts."

"No it's stupid."

"Bellamy Blake I told you not to use that word. Now put your shoes on. I'm going to go get your sister and Clarke ready. When I come back we're leaving do you understand me?"

"Whatever" He grumbled continuing to glare at the floor until he heard someone coming.

He looked over his shoulder to see Clarke skipping down towards him in her own dance uniform. She smiled and plopped down on the couch next to him. "Why aren't you wearing your uniform?" She asked.

He shrugged. "I don't want to go."

She nodded. "Sometimes I don't want to go singing class but mom says I have to."

"Why don't you wanna go?" He asked curiously looking up at her.

Clarke shrugged. "The teacher is mean. She gets mad whenever I mess up. I don't like her."

Bellamy nodded in understanding and unfolded his hands picking up his uniform jacket on the couches arm.

"Why don't you wanna go?" Clarke asked tilting her head while looking at him. "Is your teacher person mean too?"

Bellamy continued to focus on the jacket as he talked. "There's a camp out this weekend and tonight's meeting is getting ready for it. I don't wanna go on it."

"Why? Camping's fun! Member when we went last year and we went swimming in that big lake! And you caught that fish!" She spoke excitedly. "Plus there's smores! Only I don't like the marshmallow so much just lots of chocolate."

"Yeah but this trip is for dads and sons…I don't have a dad." Bellamy frowned still not looking at her. "I'll be the only one there without someone cause mom can't go cause of Octavia."

Clarke scrunched up her little face in concern. Even at nine she had the heart of a lion and was always worrying about others.

Her blonde head perked up and a smile came across her face. "I know Bellamy! My daddy can take you! Then you'll have someone there too!"

Bellamy's face visibly perked up. "Really? You'd think he'd go?"

"Yeah!" Clarke squealed as Aurora and Octavia entered the room. "I'll call him. Aurora! I need to use the phone!"

Aurora looked at them confused. "The phone? For what?"

"I gotta call my dad!" Clarke exclaimed with urgency. "Please!"

"Okay okay" Aurora said heading into the kitchen to grab the phone.

Octavia scrunched her face at Bellamy when she saw him sitting on the couch."You're not dressed. We're gonna be late."

Aurora walked back in with the phone. "Is there something wrong hunny? Do you not feel good?"

Clarke shook her head, "No just gotta ask him something!"

"Okay" Aurora said laughing slightly as she dialed for Clarke who took the phone quickly after. The phone rang twice before her father's voice came on.

 _"_ _ _Hello?"__

"Daddy! It's Clarke" Clarke exclaimed. "This weekend Bellamy's going on a camping trip and he needs you to go with him because it's a daddy and son trip and he doesn't have anyone to take him. Huh yeah you can talk to her." Clarke handed the phone to a visibly shocked Aurora who was looking over at Bellamy, "He wants to talk to you; he says he needs to make sure it's okay with you."

Aurora took the phone still clearly surprised by Clarke's plot. "Hello? Yes I'm sorry I didn't even know about this. Are you sure? That would mean so much to him."

Clarke skipped back over to Bellamy and Octavia as Aurora spoke to Jake over the phone. "See all settled."

"Get ready" Octavia replied looking at Bellamy impatiently. "I don't want to be late".

Aurora hung up the phone and came back over, looking down at the children with a smile on her face. "Well Bellamy it looks like Jake's going to take you on your camping trip. How does that sound?"

"Yes!" He said excited. "I'm gonna get dressed. Thanks Clarke" He smiled brightly as he ran out of the room.

Aurora smiled at the little blonde as Bellamy ran off. "That was very nice of you Clarke. Thank you." And seeing her son's happy face she had never been more appreciative of that little girl in her life.


	9. Now: Revelations

Chapter 9: Now: Revelations Chapter Text

Now: Jun. 22, 2015

7:22 am

Clarke looked back up towards the squirrels on the rocks across from the pool. They didn't seem to notice her presence as they ran up and down the trees grabbing an acorn here and there.

She sketched the animal on her drawing pad as it was running up the tree. Something about the way it ran up and down with such speed fascinated her. It would look at the other squirrel now and then but other than that the two seemed to work in silence.

She wondered what it was like to be a squirrel, if they could actually communicate with other squirrels or if they even had thoughts like other humans. Did they just go about their day finding food and shelter to survive? Or was there more to them? Could they fall in love?

She continued to sketch in silence. It was still really early and she knew everyone besides maybe her parents and Aurora would still be asleep. She hadn't been able to sleep much the night before. After she had introduced Raven, dinner had become practically a grilling session on Raven from her mother and Aurora. Luckily once it was over the two had escaped to go watch movies in the basement where Octavia had joined them. She hadn't really watched the movie but her and Raven instantly hit it off and their girls night had been a nice distraction from everything going on.

They hadn't talked about the Finn incident since before dinner and she was trying to avoid thinking about the whole situation.

A gust of wind gave her shivers and she realized she probably should have put on a sweatshirt, it may have been summer but she wasn't in Miami. She laid the sketch on the table next to the lounge chair she had been lying on for the past twenty minutes and stretched out as she stood up.

She was walking back towards the house when she heard the sounds of yelling. She turned direction and slowly began heading towards from the driveway to see what was going on. She felt her heart skip a beat when she turned the corner and saw Bellamy and Echo standing in the driveway arguing.

"I don't want him here end of story." Echo said firmly as she threw her purse into the car. "I have enough to deal with already. I have so many errands to run before the wedding and on top of that I'm trapped in this house with like ten people as it is."

"We're lucky they are even letting us have the wedding here." Bellamy countered looking annoyed "And he's my best friend and he's staying here."

"Bellamy you're lucky I'm even allowing him __in__ the wedding after what he said." Echo said crossing her arms and not letting up. It seemed like her nice persona was gone now in the presence of just Bellamy.

"Look I get it okay? He shouldn't have added his input but he just wants to make sure I'm happy…"

"He announced at dinner with MY best friend that he thinks us getting married is a huge mistake!"

Bellamy put both his hands through his hair clearly frustrated. "Echo he apologized for that and I talked to him okay? He promised he'd keep his mouth shut…"

"He's your best man yet he's against your wedding?"

"He has his reasons…"

"Which are what, Bellamy?" Echo asked with her eyebrows raised clearly waiting for an answer she looked like she already knew the answer to. Bellamy looked pained and turned his head away from her and in Clarke's direction before she had a chance to leave.

"Clarke…"

Echo turned and saw Clarke who was standing their awkwardly watching their whole fight pan out. She should have left; she knew that the second she stepped over there and saw who was fighting, but it was like her feet were cemented to the ground.

Echo looked furious and she was pretty sure if looks could kill she'd be dead right now. Clarke felt like a deer in the headlights. She knew how badly this situation looked.

"Uh…sorry" Clarke sputtered out wishing she was anywhere but there. She began to ramble "I was just out drawing because I couldn't sleep in" she looked at Bellamy "you know how I can get" instantly regretted those words "anyway it was colder than I thought and I was going in to get a sweatshirt but I heard yelling and wanted to make sure everything was okay…"

"And you thought you'd stand here and have some popcorn and watch the show?" Echo snapped no longer putting on the nice façade with her either.

"Echo…" Bellamy started but Clarke shook her head.

"No she's right sorry I wasn't sure how to react and yeah I'm sorry I'm just going to go in…" She turned on her feet quickly and rushed into the house.

She opened the back door into the kitchen to see Octavia and Raven already there. Octavia was standing by the stove flipping pancakes and Raven was sitting at the kitchen island playing a game on her phone. She looked up as Clarke entered the kitchen.

"There you are I thought you were still in bed" Raven said putting down her phone. "Also Octavia and I have decided we are all going out tonight. Don't bother asking for a vote it's already 2-1."

Clarke rolled her eyes happy to see Raven back to her old self after yesterday's Finn episode. She went over to the fridge and pulled out some orange juice before taking a seat at the island with Raven.

"I was outside drawing, actually I kind of just made myself look real stupid." She admitted as Octavia walked over with plates.

"How? And by going out we mean to like a bar. So don't get any ideas about hiding out in sweats and an old t-shirt at the movies." She flipped a pancake onto one of the plates and put it in front of Clarke.

Chocolate chips. She looked up slightly surprised at the brunette. Octavia had never really been the type to cook, especially willingly making her friends breakfast when they could easily survive off one of the packaged bagels in the cabinet.

Octavia shrugged "Lincoln's been teaching me how to cook. Actually it's kind of fun. So what happened?"

Clarke sighed as she focused on pouring syrup all over her pancake. She tried not to think about how much sugar she was about to consume as she cut a piece off and plopped it into her mouth. She didn't want to look at the two of them as she said this. "Well I kinda got caught watching a fight between Echo and Bellamy…"

"Clarke we talked about this, if you're going to listen to others conversation don't make it so obvious" Raven said taking a bite of her own pancake with a slight smirk on her face.

Clarke rolled her eyes at her friend. "Funny, anyway I didn't even mean to stand there listening I just heard yelling and came over to see if everyone was okay…then I saw it was them…I'm such an ass."

Octavia played with her food. "You're not an ass. Curious though…what were they fighting about?"

Clarke looked up at her slightly surprised. Octavia had never really been the type of sister to be curious about her brother's fights with his girlfriends. Actually Bellamy hadn't had many long term girlfriends so it wasn't that surprising. Octavia was always polite to them but she had never really been friends with them or cared too much.

Still she thought it was odd that she was asking.

"I think it was about Miller actually." Clarke said scrunching her face up as she thought about the scene she had stumbled upon. They hadn't mentioned Miller by name but Echo had said it was Bellamy's best man so that pretty much said it all.

Octavia looked up at her still having not eaten any of her food yet. "Right he's coming today. He and Echo don't really get along." She shrugged like it was no big deal but Clarke thought it was odd since Miller got along with most people.

"I heard her say he didn't approve of their wedding…" Clarke said softly and now Raven looked quite interested.

"Wait the best man doesn't approve? That can't be good." She gave Clarke a slight smirk and Clarke rolled her eyes again. She knew Raven was just trying to make her feel better but she also knew that if Bellamy and Echo didn't work out it wouldn't be because he loved Clarke. He had made his feelings clear when he watched her walk away.

Octavia was biting her lip now and looked slightly anxious.

"Why would he say that?" Clarke asked her but Octavia's curiosity seemed to shut down and she just shrugged in return.

Raven eyed Clarke suspiciously but Clarke ignored her. They thought she was going to have false hope but that wasn't the case, she just thought it was weird.

At least that's what she kept telling herself.

…

"No" Clarke said looking at the dress Raven and Octavia had picked out for her. They seemed to have teamed up while Clarke was out drawing in the morning and decided that she needed the tightest dress possible to go to the bar in.

"Why the hell not?!" Raven asked putting her hands on her hips and looking almost insulted. "You always say this dress looks great on me!"

"It does" Clarke admitted "On you. So you wear it. I have curves. One french fry and that thing pops off."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Come on Clarke it will look great on you and it will not. Besides it's time to you know put yourself out there."

Clarke gave her a death stare. They had definitely teamed up that morning and discussed how not only did Clarke need to wear this dress but she apparently also needed a night out to help her move on from Bellamy.

"I am out there!" Clarke countered. "Oh my god I'm so tired of everyone thinking I'm so pathetic girl just mopping around because Bellamy doesn't love me. I'm not!"

"No one thinks you are" Raven said putting her hands out in front of her in defense.

"Yeah we just wanted to go out and have some fun!" Octavia said looking guilty.

Clarke eyed them both suspiciously but felt maybe there was some truth to it all. She hadn't gone on a date since Bellamy rejected her and now that he was getting married in a couple of days maybe it was time for her to move on. She grabbed the pink dress out of Raven's hands and sighed. "I guess I could try it on".

Raven smiled widely and Octavia looked relieved as well. "This will be so much fun."

"Is Lincoln going to stop by?" Clarke asked as she began looking through her stuff for her black strappy shoes that would go well with the dress. "I'd love to meet him and I'm sure if were going out dancing he'll want to grab one with you".

Octavia looked at the ground "Uh no he'll be at Bellamy's bachelor party…." She pretended to look through Clarke's jewelry.

"Oh is that tonight?" Clarke asked trying to keep her voice neutral. It made sense now why Miller was coming today and why they wanted to get her out of the house so bad.

"Yeah so Lincoln will be there. But you'll meet him soon." She picked out some earrings "Wear these."

They spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready while watching cheesy romantic comedies that Octavia complained through. She said ridiculous storylines like this were why she hated watching movies. But apparently Echo's best friend had arrived in town, luckily she was staying at a hotel, and she was going to do wedding prep with her during the day freeing Octavia from the duty.

Clarke had showered, put on the dress, and was now waiting for Octavia to decide what she wanted to do with her hair. In all honesty she was pretty excited; it had been a long time since she had had a girl's night out. Usually her and Raven would hang out by themselves eating junk food and watching movies or they'd go over to Monty and Jasper's and hang out with them. She wasn't even sure the last time she had been to a bar or gone dancing.

Octavia seemed to have finally decided on something and began braiding a small strand of her hair. She pined in back and then began putting Clarke's hair up into a semi put-together semi messy bun with a few loose hairs around her face.

She put a natural look of make up on Clarke while complaining about how Clarke didn't need much make up to look pretty.

Clarke stared into the mirror watching her friend work and vaguely listening to the conversation between Octavia and Raven about some new type of eye liner look. She dropped in a word or two for input here and there but she was mostly in her own mind.

She couldn't stop thinking about the fight she had overheard between Bellamy and Echo. She didn't want to think about it because she knew all it did was give her false hope that she felt guilty for even having…but Miller wasn't a hard guy to get along with so she couldn't understand what had happened between him and Echo.

She let her thoughts drift away from him and back to the calming scene she had witnessed this morning with the squirrels. The easygoing animals that didn't have to worry about overhearing fights between the one they love and their fiancé.

That's when she remembered she left her sketchbook outside.

"Crap!" Clarke said jumping up and Octavia yelled at her for messing up the eyeliner she had been putting on her. "Sorry" Clarke added grabbing a makeup wipe out of Octavia's makeup bag and beginning to wipe the stray line off her face. "I forgot my sketchbook outside this morning and it looks like it may rain. I need to get it…"

"Ugh fine but hurry up since now I have to redo your eye makeup" Octavia said turning to Raven for help to pick out makeup to use for herself while Clarke got her sketchbook.

She hurried down the stairs not wanting to keep Octavia waiting and wanting to make sure she got her sketchbook before it started to rain. She had seen the sky darken from her bedroom window but hadn't thought twice about how she had left her book out there this morning. She had been planning on going back out after getting her sweatshirt before running into Bellamy and Echo.

"I'm just saying it's a bad idea…"

She stopped short entering the kitchen and stumbling upon Bellamy and Miller. Miller was sitting at the kitchen island when and turned instantly when Bellamy eyes had shot up to her from the other side.

"Clarke!" He put down his beer and jumped off the stool rushing over to give her a hug. "It's been too long".

She smiled hugging her old friend back. Miller had been Bellamy's best friend since before she could remember. While the two boys were a year older than her they never made her feel like a tag along on their adventures as kids. She had grown close to him as well and while she had pulled away the last few months due to the Bellamy drama seeing him again made her realize how much she had missed their friendship.

He pulled away looking her over. "Well your dressed up are you coming with us for Bellamy's bachelor party."

Clarke gave a small laugh looking over at Bellamy was staring at her as well looking almost sad. When she actually thought about it the truth was it was sad that she wasn't invited to Bellamy's bachelor party. She had been his best friend, besides Miller, forever. Yet she was completely disconnected now from not only his wedding but his whole life.

She had told herself she was doing it to protect herself but was that the best was to do it? She'd been heartbroken for the past couple of months but it wasn't from just being rejected by him but also from losing her best friend.

She kept her eyes on his feeling her own sadness rush over her. She missed him.

"You look beautiful"

Her eyes widened slightly at Bellamy's declaration and she broke their eye contact when she felt a blush rising up on her face. He was just being nice. It didn't mean anything. He had rejected her after all and he was marrying Echo.

She glanced at Miller who looked uncomfortable yet intrigued by the whole situation at the same time.

"Thanks…" She said softly biting her lip nervously. "And no Miller actually Octavia, my friend Raven, and I are going out for a girl's night. I just came down because I realize I left my sketchbook outside this morning" she glanced awkwardly at Bellamy who was staring at the beer in his hand now.

"Where you guys going?" Miller asked casually taking a sip of his own beer.

Clarke figured he was trying to move away from the awkward tension after Bellamy's remark. "Uh some place called Ark? It's apparently this new bar that's taken off. Octavia picked it I don't know…crap it's starting to rain" She mentioned looking out the back door.

"I'll get it" Bellamy said without giving her a chance to respond before he put his beer done and hurried out the door.

"…okay" Clarke said after he had rushed out looking back over at Miller whose whole facial expression had changed now that Bellamy had left the room.

"He's being an idiot." Miller said taking another swig of his beer before putting it down and crossing his arms.

"What?" Clarke asked in slight confusion.

"The wedding, marrying Echo, it's all a bad idea and I've told him that several times but he doesn't listen to me. He's going to regret it though, he thinks he's doing the right thing but is it the right thing?" He seemed to be rambling more to himself with one of his arms moving around as he talked.

"Miller what are you talking about?" Clarke asked thinking about the conversation she had heard earlier that day about Miller being against the wedding. "If he loves her then how is it not the right thing?" It hurt to say it but it was the truth.

Miller looked over at her confused "What? He doesn't love her…"

"What?" Clarke asked again but this time more slowly. Her brows were furred and her heart began to race. What did Miller mean that Bellamy didn't love Echo? Of course he loved Echo. That's why he was marrying her.

Some sort of realization seemed to sink onto Miller's face as he said "You don't know…" before the back door opened.

"Okay there are some drops on it but I think you're picture will be okay…" Bellamy said entering the room from the back door "It's still only drizzling so it's not that bad…what?" He asked looking at Miller and Clarke who were staring at him.

"You didn't tell her…" Miller said almost accusingly at Bellamy whose face seemed to drop as he looked over at Clarke.

"Tell me what…" Clarke asked feeling like she was going to vomit from anticipation.

Bellamy looked at her sadly like he knew he was about to make thing worse for her. "Echo's pregnant."


	10. Then: Our Families Choices

Chapter 10: Then: Our Families Choices Chapter Text

Then: June 3, 2003

2:49 pm

The door slammed opened and slammed shut almost just as quickly. Clarke and Bellamy looked over from their seats on the couch in Clarke's family room. They had been watching TV while talking about Bellamy's latest baseball game when Octavia walked in. It was Wednesday and for as long as Clarke could remember Bellamy and Octavia had been coming to her house after school on Wednesday's. It used to be because Aurora and Abby switched off babysitting duty to help each other out with their odd work hours but now Octavia was the only one who really needed a babysitter.

Normally Clarke and Bellamy would get off their middle school bus at the Griffin's first with Octavia arriving from elementary school and hour later. She would come in with a giant smile on her face talking enthusiastically about the day's events.

Today was a different story though if Octavia's upset face had anything to say about it.

"O, what's wrong?" Bellamy asked concern written all over his face.

"Today Fox uninvited me from her birthday party" Octavia said teary eyed as she hopped up onto the couch between Bellamy and Clarke. She leaned her head on Bellamy's shoulder as she sniffled.

"Why would she do that? I thought you guys were friends?" Clarke asked looking over at her and Bellamy confused.

Octavia shrugged "Her mom says I can't come because of our mom…" She kicked her legs up onto the coffee table and crossed her arms. She still had a few tears in her eyes but she looked more angry than sad. For a ten year old Octavia Blake should sure give an angry glare. "What does that even mean?"

Clarke and Bellamy looked at each other knowing instantly what this was really about. Last month Aurora had been arrested after being caught on camera stealing from the bar she worked as a waitress at. Bellamy and Octavia had been at Clarke's house when the phone call came and Abby went to pick Aurora up without a word to any of them. Her behavior had instantly alerted Bellamy and Clarke that something was wrong but nobody said anything to them. Jake had stayed behind and made popcorn for them while putting on a movie seemingly trying to distract them. Octavia ended up getting distracted playing with some polly pockets though while Bellamy and Clarke sat not really watching the movie.

When Abby came back home with Aurora, Jake had told them to go down to the game room in the basement. They had been down there for about ten minutes when Octavia passed out asleep on the couch and Bellamy and Clarke heard yelling from upstairs.

The two had listened at the bottom of the stairs to the conversation between the adults and learned that Aurora had been caught stealing money out of the register. Abby had been yelling about how she should have told her that money was so tight because they would have helped out but Aurora just yelled back that she didn't understand what it was like not to be able to take care of her family.

The two had listened for a while before heading back down to the game room but neither spoke about the situation to each other. Bellamy's face was visibly upset and Clarke didn't want to pry. The adults seemed to have talked things out and Aurora agreed to accept some help from Abby but made it clear that it was a loan that would be paid back.

Her manager had agreed to give her a second chance after Aurora explained how financially unstable she was but said if it happened again she was out. Clarke was pretty sure one of her parents had talked to the manager as well.

Still the two never spoke about that night or what had happened and it seemed to have been a forgotten piece of the past.

Until now.

Fox's dad was a police officer and had obviously found out about what had happened that night and told Fox's mother. Pretending it didn't happen was no longer an option.

"O…listen I know you're upset about the party but maybe you me and Clarke can have like our own party that day?" Bellamy said hopeful.

Octavia looked up slightly interested. "Yeah like what?"

"Well we could ask my dad to take us to the water park. You keep saying you want to go back plus they have a new water slide." Clarke suggested and Octavia's eyes perked up.

"And we could get ice cream" she added "that's way cooler than whatever party Fox is having."

"Agreed" Bellamy said hopeful to cheer his younger sibling up.

"I still don't get why I she uninvited me though. Why doesn't she like mom?" She looked up at Bellamy with confusion in her eyes.

He shrugged not looking her in the eye. "I don't know Octavia but try not to worry about that. Just think of the water park. Okay?"

"Okay" Octavia said with a smile. "I'm gonna find Abby so she can help me with my math". She skipped out of the room seeming to feel better but Clarke knew if her friends were talking about Fox's party in front of her she'd get upset again. She just hoped Octavia didn't end up finding out what her mom did.

Bellamy was looking back at the TV but his face had changed to one of worry. She wondered if he was thinking the same thing.

"You okay?" She asked. They hadn't talked about it before but maybe they should now.

He shrugged "I just don't want her to know. She looks up to mom."

"Well your mom is a good person."

Bellamy gave her a look "She stole a ton of money Clarke".

Clarke sighed "Not because she's a bad person, because she needed it."

Bellamy shrugged again. "Doesn't make it right."

"Sometimes we forget what the right thing to do is when we think we're doing it for the right reasons".

He looked over her and nodded "Thanks". She nodded back.

They didn't bring it up again.


	11. Now: Conceal Don't Feel

Chapter 11: Now: Conceal Don't Feel Chapter Text

Now: June 22, 2015

2:42 pm

"Echo's pregnant"

Clarke was pretty sure someone had punched her in the stomach. It was like her whole world had just paused and she was having some type of out of body experience where she couldn't hear what anyone was saying to her. Everything was just a blur.

Pregnant. She was pregnant. The picture began to form in her head. Bellamy out in the yard on a warm summer day with burgers and hot dogs on the grill, laughter coming from the pool as a child jumped out and ran towards him. He screamed daddy and ran towards him Bellamy picking him up laughing in reciprocation.

'Daddy come swim with me and mommy!' The child squealed looking up him. He had the same brown eyes, tanned skin, and curly brown hair of his father.

Then she came into the picture.

'Daddy's making dinner'.

Her deep brown eyes looked back at him with a smile. They were a little family, the three of them.

And Clarke was on the outside. Now watching an image that she had deep down wanted herself to be a part of for so many years, even before she had realized herself that that was what she had truly wanted.

And now it was gone.

She felt herself trip back slightly and caught her hand on the wall. It brought her back to reality.

"Clarke" Bellamy said reaching out to catch her but she pulled away keeping one hand on the wall. He looked hurt but she couldn't worry about that at the moment. It was like she felt numb to everything.

She had never been that girl, that girl to let another person have the ability to crush her whole world. Finn had hurt her, sure, but she had been able to pick up the pieces. She had got a best friend out of that situation. When her ex-girlfriend Lexa had told her after graduation that she was moving to Washington to work in the government and felt they should break up, because love was weakness in the political world, Clarke was shocked. She had thought she meant more to her than that. And yet it had been so easy for Lexa to let go.

But still she was able to move on.

This felt different. She knew she could pick up the pieces. She was strong and she always would be. But still she somehow knew that picking up the pieces from Bellamy Blake was going to be ten times harder than anyone else.

Bellamy wasn't someone who was ever going to leave her life the way Finn and Lexa had. There was never a time he hadn't been in her life. And she didn't want him to leave it, even if that meant they were never more than friends.

"Clarke let's go already" Octavia came into the room with Raven hot on her tail. Clarke remembered they had been waiting for her upstairs. The two had obviously grown impatient.

"I hope this place has some good onion rings I'm starv…" Raven looked up from her phone noticing the silent tension that had encompassed the room. She looked over at Clarke and noticing her reaction quickly hurried over putting her arm around her. "Hey what's wrong?"

Clarke shook her head weakly "Nothing everything's fine. Bellamy just went to get my sketchbook." She reached her hand out, silently asking him for the book, but he didn't budge.

"Clarke, can we please go somewhere to talk about this?" His eyes were pleading but she did her best to look anywhere else. "This isn't how I wanted you to find out…" He shot a look over at Miller who just gave him his own glare back as if challenging him to fight him on this.

"There's nothing to talk about. Echo's pregnant. That's great." She forced a fake smile but she was an artist not an actor. He could see right through it.

"Wait what?!" Raven shot a look towards Bellamy then back towards Octavia who didn't look surprised. Instead she was biting her lip and staring at the ground.

Bellamy ignored them both. "Clarke please…"

"No I am very happy for you." She was nodding her head a little too much. "But Octavia and Raven came down here to hurry me up so we should go." She let out a half laugh. She's pretty sure the Oscar people would be horrified with her acting right now.

She could feel Octavia and Raven staring at the back of her head but she didn't want to face them. Any of them. She knew their faces would be full of pity. She didn't want pity.

"We should go" She nodded her head more slowly this time and Bellamy seemed to let it go.

Octavia and Raven followed behind her in silence back up to the room. None of them said anything as Clarke sat down on the bed.

She didn't cry. She didn't feel the need to. She felt sad. Slightly broken. But crying wasn't going to solve anything. It wouldn't change the fact that her story wasn't going to end with her and Bellamy.

And that was okay. Really it was.

But it still broke her heart.

She laid down and Raven hopped up on the bed. They didn't need to use words to communicate. Clarke moved her head over to her best friend's stomach and Raven ran her hands through Clarke's hair. Octavia followed lying her own head on Clarke's legs.

It was like they understood she needed to just sit there and be. Just to soak in the information and process her own feelings.

None of them said anything. But it was kind of perfect that way.

…

Twenty minutes had passed before Raven declared that the bar was off and she had a new idea in mind. She told them all to change into something more comfortable and that they didn't mind getting dirty. Most of Clarke's clothes had a paint stain somewhere so it wasn't hard to find something.

She changed out of the dress into a pair of faded jean shorts and a dark blue tee. She felt relieved that the other two were no longer forcing her to wear anything that required heels. She didn't have the energy at this point.

She didn't say anything to Octavia about Echo's pregnancy. She understood why she hadn't told her. It wasn't her place to and she wasn't going to hold it against her.

In fact none of them brought up Echo, Bellamy, or what had gone down in the kitchen. She figured both girls were waiting for her to say something first but she really didn't want to. Talking about it wasn't going to make it better. And at this point she had really no desire to have a vent session that would just result in tears and overeating.

"Are you going to tell us where we are going?" Octavia asked curiously.

Raven shook her head. "Nope it's a surprise. And kinda a long drive but you guys will get over it. Actually pack a bag because we won't be back tonight."

Clarke frowned "What do you mean we won't be back? Raven we're here for a wedding in which Octavia is a bridesmaid. She has to be back here for…stuff…"

"That stuff tomorrow is final preparations at the reception hall. Plus Echo's parents are coming in from North Carolina tomorrow. So she'll need us all around." Octavia clarified.

Raven rolled her eyes. "Well leave early. It'll just be easier not to drive back tonight. Now let's go." She put her hair up in her infamous ponytail before putting her hands on her hips. "See I'm ready. Takes five minutes."

"Sorry I had to chisel off the pound of makeup you put on my face." Clarke said sarcastically getting another eye roll in return.

It took another ten minutes for them to get ready because Octavia insisted that she had to put new make up on that matched her more casual outfit. Raven stood glaring and tapping her foot repeatedly with her hands on her hips. They hadn't known each other more than a few days but already Raven was comfortable enough around Octavia to lose any filter she may have had.

Nobody talked during the drive. Raven filled up the car with old 90s music off Pandora and the only sounds from their voices were to the lyrics of the words. Clarke was relieved with the lack of chatter. She was still processing the day she had just had and she still wasn't in the mood to really talk about it. Closing her eyes and taking in the sounds of the spice girls and the backstreet boys was much more calming than anything else at that moment.

It was about a half hour in of driving that Clarke realized Raven was driving back to Boston.

"Why are we going home?" Clarke asked breaking the communication silence that had filled the car.

"We aren't, well not exactly. We're going to Boston but we're not going to our apartment. I have another idea. Don't worry it'll be fun." She smiled softly at her friend "Trust me it's not going to be some hectic party or anything, I know what you need when you're upset".

Clarke turned back towards the window hoping that was true. It wasn't that she wasn't a party person it's just that parties tended to be a bad mix with her when she was upset. In one of the first nights after the Finn break up she had gone to one and had a few too many drinks. Let's just say she ended up on the porch of a stranger's house crying to someone she didn't know about how much she hated Finn and more specifically hated his hair.

She wasn't exactly sure where the last part had come from.

"I've never been to Boston!" Octavia squealed from the back seat. "Are we going to go shopping?!"

Clarke bit her lip in thought. Shopping was also probably not a good idea. Her feeling emotional plus a credit card would likely end up with her in massive debt and another cat.

"You'll see" Raven replied but Clarke sincerely hoped she was smart enough not to take them down the shopping route.

They drove on for a little over an hour when Clarke noticed Raven getting off an exit right outside of the city. That's when it clicked.

"We're going to your childhood home?"

Raven gave a small smirk "The place has been abandoned ever since my mom ran off to god knows where years ago. It's completely vacant so I figured it would be the perfect place to have a small get together."

Clarke sighed "You promised no parties!"

"Two extra people do not make it a party Clarke" Raven waved her off.

It wasn't long before they reached Raven's childhood home. Clarke had only been there once before. When her and Raven had started to become close, Raven had taken her here to see where she had grown up. They had sat in the car as Raven explained that she had never known her father and her mother had had a lot of issues during Raven's childhood. When Raven was in high school there had been a couple times her mother took off for a couple weeks at a time so it didn't surprise her when she had disappeared completely after Raven moved out.

The boy next door Finn had always brought her over food and other necessities. They kept it their little secret. Raven was worried if Finn told his parents what was going on they would call child services and Raven would end up in the system.

Still he had helped her survive back then. Raven had said she wasn't sure when it was that he had changed into someone she no longer recognized. Maybe when he left for college and his parent's moved into a better town after his dad got a job making more money. Maybe when he became convinced that he was somehow better than everyone else because he had done this incredible thing as a child.

Either way he changed.

They pulled up into the rundown house. Clarke immediately recognized Monty's car and smiled to herself. Maybe two extra people wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"Welcome to my humble ex-home" Raven said as she closed the door shut from her car. "I ask that you refrain from photographs of the outside as this is trespassing and I do not want anyone to know we are here and get us arrested."

Clarke gave a small laugh. "Okay so what are we doing?"

"Ah I'm glad you asked Griffin" Raven smirked. "Follow me and we will be entering my old garage."

Clarke played along as she and Octavia followed behind into the detached garage. Immediately upon entering she noticed two things, one Jasper and Monty and two the garage was completely white.

"Wow brightness alert" Octavia commented surprised forgetting to acknowledge the two other people in the room.

"Yeah well my mother was convinced she was going to open her own hair salon in here one year so she painted the place all white. Her plan tanked but she kept it like this." Raven said with a shrug.

Clarke just smiled at the two other boys in the room. She had only been gone a couple of days but she missed their antics. She rushed over wrapping one arm around each of them pulling them into a group hug.

"You don't have to talk about any of it but we're here for you Clarke" Monty whispered into her ear. She figured Raven must have texted them about everything with Bellamy and Echo while planning this outing. It didn't bother her. She'd rather Raven told them than to go through the whole saga herself.

She just nodded "Thanks guys."

"Also you're cat's fine. Slightly pink but fine." Jasper said with a smirk.

Clarke rolled her eyes. She knew when Raven had said she left the feline with those two something would go wrong.

"Now to the fun!" Raven said pulling out about six jugs of different colored paint. "Monty, thank you for getting these. Jasper, did you order the pizza?"

"Yup to the address next door so we don't get caught."

"Splendid" Raven said pulling out some brushes along with it. "Now Clarke Griffin this is your oasis. You've had a rough day so we're ordering lots of pizza and a side of fries because those are essential. We also have music. Disney music because we need happy upbeat songs we can all sing badly too. And we have six huge jugs of paint that we are going to use to ruin these walls to your heart's desire."

Clarke smiled widely. Raven knew her perfectly. The one thing that always made Clarke feel better was painting. And Raven Reyes had given her a whole garage as her canvas and the company of her best friends.

For the first time in a long time she felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

…

Octavia had drawn almost a dozen flowers on the wall. Jasper had attempted to paint a portrait of Clarke's cat that he had apparently dyed pink. It looked more like a giant pink blob in Clarke's opinion. Monty refused to use any color other than green because "symbolism" and Raven had just painted RAVEN RULES in giant bubble letters across one of the walls.

Clarke on the other had had taken to drawing a whole scene. It was of an edge of a mountain where the trees and various plants that created the maze that was a forest had opened up into a large clearing. In the clearing she had drawn a girl. You could only see the back of her but she was looking up into the night sky which was filled with an array of stars. The solitude of the world bringing the girl peace.

"I'm writing Monty loves Harper over here." Jasper snickered to Octavia. She had become fast friends with both of the boys and seemed to fit in easily with their small group of friends.

"I DO NOT LOVE HER!" Monty shouted breaking his usual quiet demeanor.

Jasper rolled his eyes "Right that's why we always have to go to the coffee shop at the same time every Tuesday because you know she's working." He looked over at Octavia "Then he tries to flirt for about five minutes. It's adorable."

"I hate you" Monty muttered stuffing a slice of pizza into his face.

"And I hate coffee" Jasper said pointedly turning back to continue on his masterpiece.

Raven walked over to where Clarke had been looking and stared at the work. She didn't say anything just continued to hum along to circle of life coming from her IPod.

"You can't see the stars in the city" Clarke said breaking Raven's humming "I miss the stars".

"The stars aren't all you miss by living in the city" Raven commented looking at her best friend. She hadn't pushed her to talk but Clarke knew she wanted her to. That she thought it would help.

Clarke didn't want to talk.

She closed her eyes and let the music around her soak in. Maybe they could do something else. She looked at Raven and smiled singing "It's the circle, the circle of life".

Jasper joined in and before they knew it their art session had turned into a singing one. They all laughed as each one would take turns doing a solo and trying to hit notes that were clearly out of their range. Raven and Octavia did a complete duet to "Do You Want to Build a Snowman"? They all cracked up and Clarke couldn't wipe the smile off her own face. It was like everything that had happened was far away and her mind was only focused on the present and her friends.

That was until the song changed to Beauty and the Beast.

Aware instantly Octavia turned towards Clarke and watched her face fall. It was just a song, it shouldn't mean anything.

Yet somehow it did.

And just as quickly her whole defensive shield fell down and she finally started to cry.


	12. Then: Beauty and the Beast

Chapter 12: Then: Beauty and the Beast Chapter Text

Then: October 10th 2006

3:12 pm

"I'm going to look stupid" Clarke flopped down onto the couch dramatically in front of Bellamy.

He looked up from the book he was reading. Clarke read upside down that it said "The Odyssey". She smirked, he was such a nerd.

"You're a nerd" And she was happy to let him know.

He rolled his eyes. "For your information this is a classic. Just wait. One day someone will try to talk to you about it and you'll look stupid for not knowing anything."

Clarke gave him a look. He was a nerd. At sixteen his hair had become slightly long allowing his curls to flow more freely around his tanned skin. His brown eyes were hidden behind a pair of reading glasses which somehow made his freckles more obvious.

Yet nobody at their school thought of him as a nerd. He was a junior and not only was he one of the best players on the school's basketball team but he was also smart, which Clarke found obnoxious at times. Plus even she couldn't deny that he was cute. All the girls in both his grade and Clarke's loved him.

She didn't know why but it was beginning to really irritate her. Like there were plenty of people in the school, why did they all have to go after Bellamy.

It wasn't that she was jealous. She was a sophomore but she had had people ask her out. In fact she happened to be going to the homecoming dance two days from then with a very pretty girl.

But still when she walked down the hallway at school and saw some girl leaning up against a locker and Bellamy with that big goofy grin on his face she couldn't help but feel a clench in her stomach and a knot in her throat.

She never said anything to him about it, though. She figured he'd probably tell her that she was just mad he was getting all the attention. He was popular and she was jealous.

That was probably it.

"Not reading that book isn't what's going to make me look stupid in the near future" She said a-matter-of-factly. She let out another dramatic huff and this time he closed the book and put it next to him.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm so glad you asked" She said turning over onto her stomach, still sprawled out on the couch. "So Niylah asked me to homecoming."

"Okay?" He raised his eyebrows. "And?"

"Um hello she's in __your__ grade, which means she has been to the homecoming dance before! I haven't! Freshmen weren't exactly welcome so nobody in my grade went last year. I can't dance Bellamy." She kept her eyes wide to show him the urgency of the situation.

He rolled his eyes. "It's not that hard Clarke. You literally stand there and sway back and forth." He picked his book back up.

"That is not true Bellamy! What if were like really close, then should I put my head on her shoulder? What if I step on her feet? Oh my god what if I trip and take ten people down with me."

He looked over the page. "If you take down ten people then I will personally escort you home, buy you Chinese food, and listen to you whine about it all night. You're being preposterous."

"Preposterous? Who uses words like that Bellamy. What did you read the dictionary?"

"I have a word of the day calendar."

"Oh for…" She took a breath "The point is I don't want to look like I've never slow danced with anyone before. I want at least appear like I know what I'm doing."

He huffed before finally putting his book down. "Fine I will teach you how to dance."

"Yay thank you!" She squealed hopping up onto her knees. She smiled sweetly but he just rolled his eyes back. She thought she saw a smirk on his face though.

The moved aside the coffee table to make space in the middle of the living room. He stood there looking awkward as she ran to grab the CD player out of her room. She put it on the end table and opened it to see what was inside. She grinned widely as she set the number and pressed play.

 _ _Tale as old as time__

"Oh hell no" He gave her a look.

"Octavia left the soundtrack in the CD player." She shrugged "She was in that beauty and the beast play at her school remember? She listened to the soundtrack for like a month. You'll live. Plus you can't go wrong with Disney."

 _ _True as it can be__

 _"_ _Whatever…" He muttered._

She ignored him as she walked over placing her hands awkwardly on his shoulders. She looked unsure but he nodded at her in reassurance. He moved his hands down to her waist pulling her in slightly.

She felt suddenly nervous. She bit her lip hoping he wouldn't notice from their closeness how her heart had begun to speed up. Then again it was her first slow dance. What could he expect?

"Okay now you just kind of move with the music…" He stuttered a little as she moved slightly closer.

 _ _Barely even friends__

 _ _Then somebody bends__

 _ _Unexpectedly__

"Okay then do I put my head like on your chest?"

"You can if you want" He shrugged slightly. "I guess it's different for everyone."

She moved closer and put her head on him. His heart was racing just as fast as hers. She told herself that it was awkward because they were friends. Most friends don't slow dance like this.

Attempting to shut her mind off she closed her eyes and swayed to the music. Bellamy didn't say anything either but she felt his head lean down on hers at some point.

It was almost calming. Maybe it was silly. They were standing in her living room swaying to a Disney music after all. But somehow it didn't feel like that. It was like they were in their own little bubble completely away from the real world. She liked it.

 _ _Tale as old as time__

 _ _Song as old as rhyme__

 _ _Beauty and the beast__

The door slammed closed and they both jumped apart a little too fast. He was teaching her to dance after all. They had nothing to be embarrassed about. It was two friends dancing. That was it.

"What are you guys doing?" Octavia asked suspiciously as she squinted her eyes to focus in on them. "Because from here it looked like you were dancing." She raised her eyebrows. "With each other. Slowly. Romantically."

Bellamy rolled his eyes. "I was showing her how to dance for homecoming on Friday."

"Then why is your face red." Octavia asked pointedly.

Bellamy glared at her. "It's not Octavia!"

"Looks pretty red to me."

"It's not! Go do your homework."

"I don't have any."

"That's a lie. Every middle schooler has homework."

"Not me. I did it on the bus."

"Octavia!"

"If you want me to leave so you guys can dance some more just say so." She put on a fake sweet smile. "I wouldn't want to ruin your date."

"It's not a date!" Bellamy bellowed but Octavia just swung back and forth on her toes with a giant smirk covering her face.

"Actually I have homework I forgot about…" Clarke said awkwardly trying to put an end to the conversation. She wasn't sure she ever felt so uncomfortable in the presence of the Blake's in her life. Then again she wasn't exactly sure what had just happened in her 'dance lesson'. She felt funny. And her heart was beating really fast.

Maybe she was getting sick.

"I'm sure you do" Octavia smirked as Clarke hurried up the stairs towards her bedroom. As soon as she was out of ear shot she looked over at Bellamy. "What's the matter Bell? Do you like her or something?"

He ignored her as he flopped back down onto his chair and opened back up his book, his face still beat red.


	13. Now: Darker Mornings

Now: June 23, 2015

6:34 am

The cold dry floor was an unwelcome change from her soft bed back at the Cape house and Clarke was pretty sure the cramp in her neck from sleeping on cement was going to hurt for at least a week. There was a small green dried paint stain on her arm from rolling it into a puddle in her sleep and something that looked like pizza sauce on the ends of a couple strands of her blonde hair. There was even gunk stuck to her eyes from crying into Octavia's arms the night before.

Yet despite all of this she felt refreshed.

Because when she fell asleep the night before she knew that she was truly loved. Maybe not in the romantic way by Bellamy but in a way that was just a wonderful, from the friendship of her friends.

She looked across the room to see Jasper sleeping on top of a pizza box with his mouth drooped open and a yellow lightening bolt painted on his forehead. She laughed in spite of herself.

After she had broken down crying over the song her and her friends had decided to resume their night of cheering her up which had included her painting "tattoos" on themselves. Jasper had received the lightening bolt to accompany the new scar Finn had given him. Part of her had felt guilty when she saw it. Finn had been looking for her after all. But Jasper made a joke about getting his own owl to go along with it while Monty protested and it had made her feel much better about the whole situation.

"You okay?"

Clarke turned to the voice to see Raven wide eyed next to her. She also had a splash of green on her face which indicated the puddle of paint was closer than Clarke thought.

"Yeah I'm just thinking we should have given Jasper sound round glasses to go with his scar." Clarke added with a smirk.

Raven looked over at the sleeping figure across the room. "We still could…"

Clarke rolled her eyes but had a small smirk on her lips. "We could but then it would take him even longer to wash off and I'd like to get food before we head back."

"Did someone say food?" Octavia groaned from a couple feet to Clarke's left. "I could go for some pancakes…"

"Well it's almost seven so you're going to have to get up. We need to be back by like ten the latest." Clarke replied looking over at her phone. "Didn't you say you had to finish the last minute preparations for Echo's bridal shower tomorrow?"

"Ugh yes. This is such a pain. She should have had it like last month but the rest of her bridal party and family are flying in and arriving at the hotel tonight so it has to be tomorrow." Octavia sighed looking exhausted from the whole thing. She had had to plan most of the party since most of Echo's friend's live out of state and Clarke knew she was pretty drained from the whole ordeal.

"You could put woo-pie cushions under the seat covers to make it more interesting" Jasper contributed from across the room apparently having awoken during their conversation.

"Jasper they aren't five" Raven shot back towards the boy who was now giggling with Monty. She turned back to Octavia. "Do we all have to go to this thing?"

"It would be much appreciated" Octavia looked sheepishly between the two.

Clarke sighed but she did feel better and she knew there were more wedding festivities to come. "Okay but do we have to get her a gift?"

"I have an idea for that…" Monty suggested with another small laugh exchanged with Jasper.

Raven and Clarke rolled their eyes in union knowing where this was going.

"No."

…...

Raven drove up to a small diner on one of the long store strips in the center of her hometown. It was still early but there was already a morning bustle on the streets and traffic was beginning to form. Still it was less crowded and quieter than the city and reminded Clarke of her own home town and the days she spent roaming the stores of the mall strip with her friends.

"Finn used to take me here when we were still in high school" Raven explained as they got out of the car to the cool crisp air of the summer morning and met with Jasper and Monty at the door.

They took a seat a one of the booths by the street window and ordered their food while Raven went to say hello to the owner who was apparently one of the parent's of a friend of hers from high school.

She came back over to the table with a disgusted look on her face. "Ugh they hired this guy Finn is friend's with and he actually had the nerve to talk to me and say we should 'grab a bite' sometime."

"I'm sure you told him what you thought of that" Clarke said with a smirk.

"Obviously" She replied then turned to tell Monty something.

Clarke turned to look out into the damp streets still wet from yesterdays rain. She knew that she wanted to talk to Bellamy when she got back to the house but she wasn't sure exactly what she was going to say. But spending time with her friends made her realize that despite the one-sided romantic feelings there was a real friendship between her and Bellamy and she didn't want to lose that just because she was hurting now.

She wanted to be able to laugh with him again. She wanted to watch movies with him, even if they were documentaries that bored her and Bellamy felt the need to add information they left out and go to Baseball games together. She missed his stupid jokes and his ridiculous work stories about how nobody appreciated the importance of history in the high school class he taught.

Mostly she just missed her best friend.

"Clarke what do you say?"

"Huh?" She looked towards her expectant friends realizing she had been spacing out. "Sorry what did you say?"

"We were talking about planning a road trip at the end of the summer. You in?" Raven asked as she swirled her straw in her water.

"Oh" Clarke added not knowing she had missed so much of the conversation while consumed with her own thoughts. "Yeah that would be cool. Where to?"

"Well while you were day dreaming we suggested maybe going cross country to California. If you're going to do a road trip you mine as well go all the way across the country" Octavia said with a smirk as the waitress arrived placing a plate of pancakes before her.

"Would it just be the five of us?" Clarke asked looking around the table.

"Well maybe if Lincoln is free…" Octavia hinted.

"Unless you have someone else you want to bring." Monty added as he stole a couple of home fries off Jasper's plate when he thought he wasn't looking. Jasper noticed and returned the favor by breaking off a piece of Monty's french toast and plopping it in his mouth.

Clarke played with her scrambled eggs not looking up up to see their faces, "Well we could invite Bellamy and Echo." She kept her eyes down but she was pretty sure she heard someone spit out their drink.

"Why?" Raven's voice was dry and skeptical.

Clarke looked up with a sigh and noticed Monty wiping off his shirt and glaring at Jasper who had in face spit his orange juice out on his friend. Octavia and Raven kept their eyes locked on Clarke making her feel like she had suggested something crazy.

"Stop giving me that look. I only suggested it as a token of friendship towards them. I've turned over a new leaf. I've realized it's better to save my friendship with Bellamy than mope around." Clarke stated feeling pretty proud of herself.

"Well I think that's good but having them come would probably still be awkward." Octavia shrugged with another bite. "Plus Echo will be pretty big by then…you know pregnancy wise" she made a motion with her arms as if to mimic the size of Echo's future stomach.

"Right" Clarke shook her head, for a moment she had forgotten about the pregnancy. "Well then just us and Lincoln" She shot a smile towards Octavia to let her know she was happy for her.

She looked back out towards the window wishing she hadn't said anything but her thoughts were cut off from the sight of a familiar face approaching the diner door. A face she had hoped she wouldn't ever have to encounter again.

There wasn't even time for her to say anything to her friends before he opened the door and the bell at the top chimed to let the waitress know that someone had just entered.

The waitress went over to greet him but he seemed to ignore her as he walked towards the silenced table with a slightly awkward nervous smile on his face as he casually greeted them with a "Hey guys".

"Get. Out." There was not room for sympathy in Raven's voice and while Clarke felt speechless Raven seemed to be able to speak for the both of them. "We don't care what you have to say nor do we want to hear it."

He took in a breath but then turned his glance towards Clarke. Stuffing his hands into his jean jacket pockets he looked down ignoring the fact that his long hair fell in front of his face face as he spoke "Clarke I was just wondering if we could talk…"

"You can't" Raven growled but Clarke put her hand on Raven's shoulder to let her know she could handle it.

"I don't want to talk to you Finn. Especially not after what you did to Jasper." She glanced towards her friend seeing the slightly exposed scar under his hair and feeling a twinge of guilt for being the reason he had it.

Finn shot a look at Jasper before turning his eyes back towards Clarke. "It was an accident and I'm so sorry about that but please can we talk" he motioned his head towards the door. He didn't want to talk with the rest of them around.

But Clarke didn't have anything she wanted to say or wanted to hear from him. She shook her head, "No Finn."

With another huff his nervous demeanor seemed to change into a slightly irritated one. He rocked on his feet with his hands still stuffed in his pockets not meeting her eyes when he spoke with a new edge to his voice "Listen I don't know what they told you but I want to explain what _really_ happened."

"You threw a vase at my head that's what really happened" Jasper snapped his normal joking and happy self vanishing with his words. He looked genuinely angry and Monty's glare matched his from across the table.

"I told you it was an accident" Finn gritted through his teeth. "Maybe if you had listened to me instead of butting into me and Clarke's relationship I wouldn't have gotten mad…"

"We don't have a relationship Finn!" Clarke interrupted a little more loudly than she would have like. The customers outside her group of friends went silent and she could feel the eyes of everyone in the small room on her and Finn.

"Well we should!" He shouted back then hurried over to her reach for her hands. Clarke pulled away just as quickly. "Damn it Clarke I know you still love me!"

"I don't." She said coldly all to aware of how close he was to her.

He looked hurt. Angry. He he pulled away with a look in his eyes that honestly terrified Clarke. "Fine." He said all to calmly before turning to leave, but then he stopped, turned and grabbed the salt shaker off the table swinging it into the floor with all his might.

A couple people screamed, others gasped and then Finn turned and left the diner without another word.

…

"He's out of his mind". Octavia said seriously on the ride back to the cape. They had finished up breakfast quickly after Finn left but not before Raven went to the back room and screamed at Finn's old friend for telling him where they were.

Monty and Jasper had returned home telling them they would call them if they heard anything else from Finn. Clarke couldn't help but feel worried about Finn showing up at their apartment and begged them to lock their doors and call the cops at the first sign of him. They had agreed to do so but it hadn't done much to ease her nerves.

"Octavia let's not talk about this," Clarke sighed seeing Raven's face from the drivers seat. She hadn't said a word since they left the diner and Clarke knew that seeing Finn fall this far down the rabbit hole was hard for her even after all he had put them through.

"Fine." Octavia huffed falling back into her seat. She was clearly not done with the subject.

They rode in silence for another forty minutes when the house finally came into view. Clarke actually felt relieved to see it. While having the wedding in her face at the house wasn't exactly the ideal situation she couldn't help but feel grateful that at least there she didn't have to worry about her ex boyfriend endangering her or her friends.

Raven went straight up to the guest room saying she was "tired" as Octavia and Clarke headed into the kitchen not fighting her on it. Clarke knew she needed her space.

Miller, Bellamy and a dark tanned man with a black neck tattoo and shaved were sitting at the island drinking coffee and looking pretty hungover.

"Lincoln!" Octavia squealed running towards the man and hugging him tightly. "How was the bachelor party? Did you have fun? Oh this is Clarke!" She pulled away before he could even answer one her questions to drag Clarke over to him.

"Nice to meet you" Clarke said with a smile.

"I've heard so much about you." He smiled in return as he wrapped his arm around Octavia. Just from one look at him and his interactions with Octavia she could tell she was going to like him. He was calm, quiet and respectful which she hoped could give some balance to Octavia and her more energetic and strong-willed side.

"Hopefully only good" she joked before turning to Bellamy and Miller. "Have fun?" She hoped her casual tone would indicate that she was over the events of the day before. Plus they looked like crap and she couldn't help but want to give them some shit after all the times they had done the same to her.

Miller gave her a dark look but Bellamy stood up from the stool moving around the counter to get closer to Clarke.

"Uh kinda listen can we talk now?" He asked but before Clarke could respond Echo walked into the kitchen.

"Oh thank god your back. What were you guys thinking taking off all night? Octavia I need you to help my best friend Sydney with the party favors. Miller I need you to go down to the reception hall and make sure the drinks are all finalized for the open bar. I have a list on the table, please don't mess it up. Oh and Bellamy we need to get you suit back from the cleaners lets go." She clapped her hands together to let them all know she wasn't wasting any time.

Bellamy looked over sheepishly at Clarke. "Maybe later?"

She nodded and watched as they walked away before turning to Miller. "I need to talk to you."

"You want to sabotage their drink list? I heard she only likes fruity stuff. What if we tell them we only want beer and rum and coke…" He looked practically giddy as he started crossing things off the list and replacing the items with his own messy handwriting.

"No." Clarke said putting her hand over the list thought the idea was tempting. "This isn't about the wedding or sabotaging it."

"Is this about you telling Bellamy you love him?"

"What? He told you? No…" She waved off her hand.

"Oh." He said looking slightly disappointed. She wasn't sure what had happened between Miller and Echo but there was some clear dislike brewing between the two. She made a slight note to self to remind her to ask later what the hell had happened.

"This isn't about any of that…it's actually a problem I'm having." She stumbled over her words not exactly sure how to explain the situation. She had never told Bellamy the truth about the Finn situation partially out of embarrassment but mainly because she didn't want anyone pitying her for it so Miller certainly didn't know. In truth it had only come out to Octavia after a few too many drinks one night. She had wanted people to think the break up was amicable and the two just felt they were better off as friends.

It was easier for her to get over it if she didn't have everyone crowding her about all the real drama that had gone down. But now…

Now Finn was becoming…unpredictable to say the least and she was going to need help.

"What kind of problem?" His tone became serious erasing his usual joking demeanor.

"I need you to help me get a restraining order."


	14. Then: Two Hours

Then: August 30, 2008

12:38 pm

"Okay so can you go through that checklist you made again?"

Clarke huffed and laid back on the dark green comforter. They had been packing for two days straight and she wasn't even bothering to hide her annoyance for the whole process anymore. "We've been over this like three times."

"I don't want to forget anything."

"If you forget something you can just come home."

"It's a two hour ride" he said giving her a look from across the room. "Please just go over the list one more time?"

Her face changed into a slight glare but it didn't seem to intimidate him, instead a wide smirk spread across his freckled face. "Thanks princess."

"Deodorant"

"Check"

"Shampoo"

"Check"

"Soap"

"Check"

"Axe that doesn't smell bad."

"What's wrong with my Axe?" He looked up from the suitcase lying across his bedroom floor with a puzzled expression across his face.

"You changed it. It's gross." Clarke told him pointedly not turning away from the list.

He scrunched his brows together. "Yeah when I started dating Bree I did. How did you even notice that?"

"I notice weird smells, Bellamy. Plus you and Bree broke up _months_ ago. Maybe even because of the Axe. Change it back." She knew she was being slightly irrational, in fact his new Axe wasn't _that_ bad, it was just different. Still there was something about this whole packing process that was bringing out the worst in her. Maybe it was because she was an artist. She was pretty sure there was some stereotype out there about artists not being organized so she must be frustrated from the process of organization.

Yeah that was it.

Bellamy stood up and walked over towards the bed sheepishly. He pulled one of the pillows out from under Clarke's head and she gave him a dirty look as her head plopped a little further towards the mattress.

"Push over." He said with a sigh. "And Bree and I did not break up because of the Axe I use.

She gave him a look. "You're supposed to be packing. Also you don't know that."

"What I do know is that you are in a rotten mood today now push over."

She shifted over to the right making room for him to put down the pillow he stole and lie down onto the bed next to her. Her turned sideways to face her but she had gone back to staring at the list in order to avoid any eye contact with him.

"Why are you upset?" He asked pulling the list out of her hands and tossing it across the room.

"I'm not." She stated finally facing him.

"Yes you are. I know when you're upset Clarke." He picked a strand of fallen blonde hair and moved it behind her head. "Talk to me."

She stared at him for a moment feeling slightly flushed. The truth was she wasn't exactly sure why she was feeling the way she was and in a way it embarrassed her. Change had never been something that scared her. Most of her childhood had been spent working around her mother's ever changing work schedule so there was never a set routine to her life that lasted long. So she was used to change. Change was fine.

But this. This upset her in a way she wasn't sure she quite understood.

"Clarke?" He gave her a nudge and his ever so famous smirk.

The corner of her mouth inched up as she couldn't help but smile back, even if it was a small one. "I'm fine."

"Is it because I'm leaving?"

That hit a nerve and she turned away from him to face the ceiling. It wasn't as though Bellamy leaving for college was sudden news that she hadn't been prepared for. It was just before when they spoke of it it had seemed so far off, like the day that he had to leave wouldn't actually come.

But it had.

"Ahh so it is." He wrapped one of his arms around her waist and turned her back towards him. "You're sad cause you're going to miss me."

She rolled her eyes but didn't make direct contact. "You know if anyone saw us in this position they would think we were together. We're practically cuddling."

"Naw they know I couldn't get someone as pretty as you." He winked but there was an underlying seriousness to his tone.

She laughed seeming to miss the subtle implication. "You're so stupid. Go make sure you're all packed, you have to leave soon."

"No you're still upset."

She shrugged and picked at a tear in his old gray t-shirt. She was pretty sure she was making the rip bigger but he didn't complain and it was easier to focus on anything but his face when she spoke. "I'm fine I just don't understand why you decided to go so far."

"Two hours is far?" It was innocent enough but the look on his face was teasing and was starting to make her heart race.

She sat up figuring their close proximity was radiating too much body heat for her and she just needed some air. "It's far when I'm going to have to deal with Octavia's shenanigans all by myself."

"Why can't you just say you'll miss me?"

She looked behind her shoulder at him. He was her best friend, of course she was going to miss him. She didn't understand why it was so important that she said it out loud. He knew how much things were going to change by him leaving. No more late night car trips. Or forcing him to drive all around the state on weekends so she could find new places to sketch. She couldn't just take off to his house whenever she and her mother got into a fight about med school…well she could but Octavia was only fifteen and didn't have the same understanding of the pressures of choosing what she was going to do with the rest of her life as Bellamy did.

The reality was Bellamy knew how much her life would change without him, and how much she would miss him.

Still the intensity on his face let her know that he _did_ want to hear it.

"Fine. I'm going to…"

The door slammed open and while Clarke nearly jumped out of her skin, Bellamy remained motionless on the bed seeming more annoyed than surprised with the interruption.

The brunette standing in the doorway had her arms crossed and seemed to be tapping her foot impatiently. She was small but there was a fierceness to the girl that let everyone who came across her know that she was not to be taken lightly. "I'm sorry but are you two done making out yet? Mom is yelling that if you and Miller don't take off within the next half our you won't make it to check in on time and will be charged for being late."

A larger figure appeared next to her in the doorway with his hands in his sweatshirt pockets and looking much calmer than the girl standing next to him. The concern of a fee for a late check in didn't bring as much of a concern to him as the girl to his right. Instead a smirk peeled across his face at the sight in front of him.

"Shut up Miller," Bellamy said with a look that told Miller not even bother saying what was on his mind.

"We were just making sure Bellamy had everything." Clarke explained hopping off the bed and zipping up Bellamy's suitcase for him.

"Well there's still one thing he doesn't have," Miller replied glancing over to Clarke and back to Bellamy who was shooting daggers at his friend with his eyes.

"Wait what?" Clarke looked up confused but Octavia just gave her an eye roll and told the boys they'd bring the suitcase down stairs for them but to 'hurry up' with the rest of their 'crap'.

"Dude shut up!" Bellamy shot back the minute both girls had left the room.

Miller shrugged with an eye roll as he grabbed one of the plastic bins filled with pre-ordered books off of the floor. "Listen if she hasn't caught on from my jabs that you're in love with her after all these years she isn't going to pick up on it now."

"I'm not in love with her." Bellamy replied firmly. "She's my best friend that's all."

Miller nodded unflinching under the weight of the bin. "Yeah that's what I told myself about Bryan too."

That comment didn't even gain a response as Bellamy went to pick up the second plastic bin that contained his bedding for the college dorm. "Let's go before we're late."

"Fine."

The headed down the creaky wooden stairs of the small apartment and out into the tiny driveway meant to supply all four families of the small complex. Aurora was waiting by a worn down black nissan from the 90s that Bellamy had saved up for while working at a local pizza parlor.

Octavia and Clarke were already loading both Miller and Bellamy's luggage into the car. Miller's car had broken down only a couple weeks before and since he and Bellamy were attending the same college they had decided to carpool on their way up to the University.

Octavia felt this was a terrible idea due to lack of space in the car to fit both their luggage and she was making her thoughts clear on the matter while trying to stuff another suitcase into the trunk.

Miller went over to help her while Bellamy walked over to Clarke. "We didn't get to finish our conversation earlier. Are you feeling okay now?"

She looked up at him and gave a shrug. "Yeah it's stupid. I guess I was just feeling kind of bummed that I don't know when I'll see you again."

He stepped closer to her putting his hands onto the sides of her arms. "Hey. Listen, I'm not _that_ far. You need me at all and I'll be here in a second."

"Well two hours." She joked but smiled knowing he meant what he said.

"Two hours." He agreed pulling her in for a hug. She wrapped her own arms around him tight.

"I'll miss you Bellamy." She whispered into his ear before letting go. It felt surreal to watch him walk away knowing this would be the longest time she had ever gone without seeing him.

After she had watched his car drive off she said her goodbyes to Aurora and Octavia and took off in her own to meet some friends at a local coffee shop. Maybe she didn't like change after all, but life went on.

Besides.

The ride was only two hours.


End file.
